It's been so long since we had an update that I actually forgot my password to this blog! (Although if you know me, that's not really saying much)
I remember when we finally signed the contract last year and they gave us a 9-12 month time frame, I thought to myself that we might still be in Uganda but the thing we knew for sure was that we'd be celebrating Christmas as a family somewhere. I remember being worried that I might miss Cara's 3rd birthday or Nick and Katie's wedding. I am so thankful that Bill and I were able to be home for both of these wonderful family moments.
It has obviously been a long road since then. We're not even sure if Ugi has been born yet! I feel like I already know him and I just can't wait to squish his little tummy and hold him close. It's hard feeling like a big part of your family is missing, but I know it's not forever.
We did recieve some good news today. The agency was able to match one family this week with a child from our orphange. This is actually huge since it's been too many months to count since they've been able to make a match at all. It also means we move up a spot on the list...hello #7 :). They also had one family from our list decide to accept a child from Hong Kong (we don't know if this family was before us or after us on the waiting list, so this may or may not affect us but it's awesome to know another family got their Christmas wish).
They also increased our fees by $550 because they are going to work on processing the birth certificate and passport at the moment of matching a family instead of waiting for the court date. In a way this could be risky if the family is denied the right ot adopt in court, but so far that hasn't happened. They didn't spell it all out, but the reason for the change is because it has been taking families so long get these documents after their court dates. If I am reading through the lines correctly, this might mean a longer stay in country (less hotel fees, meals out, and most importantly less time away from Caraline when we travel). So I am choosing to take this as all good news.
I also had one of the children I watch decide to sign up for preschool as of January. I am choosing to believe God is freeing up my schedule for a reason but also trying not to get my hopes up.
So it's a lot of prayer and staying positive on our end. How are things with you?
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Lonely Sister
Cara now asks me often when she will get to meet her brother. She has picked out Christmas presents for him. She is looking forward to taking tubbies together and she is constantly putting aside books and toys to save for him one day (even at other peoples houses!)
She is getting more lonely these days. Whenever we have friends over and it's time to nap or go home Cara will look at me sadly and say "I want my friend back." It's hard to be stuck in a place with no progress but it is hardest for me when I see the situation through Cara's eyes.
They are sending a team to Uganda in May to do more work on the facility and dig a new well. In a recent email they included these photos of the orphanage.
It's so cool to know that these kids are growing up in a beautiful place where they can laugh and play. I am going to choose to be thankful for that this Thanksgiving.
Monday, September 3, 2012
Learning From an Almost 3 Year old
It has been a really long and hard summer for me (Lauren) with the adoption and in other ways. A cloud of gloom and message of failure and rejection has followed me into almost every area of my life. This past week Bill and I took advantage of a free overnight to get away and on the way home I started to mourn. I didn't want to go back (to my amazing life mind you).
I reluctantly realized that though my struggles were real and valid, my attitude sucked. I have allowed myself to wallow in this place of selfishness where what I want should always come first. Such a place doesn't exist and I was annoyed that it couldn't exist. I was looking at my life from my perspective and I felt inadequate and unvalued at the same time.
Then, this week, I watched my almost 3 year old. She fell on the floor and although she was uninjured and perfectly capable of getting up, she laid there and begged for me to pick her up off the ground; which I lovingly did.
Cara has also learned which buttons to push to manipulate a situation. For example, She knows that, because she is newly potty trained, if she asks for me to take her to the bathroom, I will drop everything and run. She has learned how to get her way. She has developed her own desires and will do whatever it takes to make them a reality.
How different am I at 30 than she is at almost 3? I have my own desires and expectations and I am disappointed when they are not met. I have an agenda and I do everything within my control and abilities to accomplish it. (And I am annoyed about what gets in my way that I can't control.)
I am beyond capable of doing all the things that God is asking of me but instead I lay on the floor lazily because I'd rather complain then get up. Yet He picks me up over and over again and reminds me that I can do it all with His help.
When I look at Cara my heart breaks because I can see the bigger pictured for her. I know what skipping a nap now will mean for her day and her attitude. All she sees are the immediate things she'd rather do. When I move her in a direction she doesn't want to go, I know it's for the best, but she just thinks I am cruel or that I don't care what she wants.
It's the same with God. He looks at my broken heart and wishes I could see the bigger picture. What feels like endless delays for me is really God's incredible timing. What feels like failure in not having a second kid already God has given me as the gift of extended time with my daughter to be treasured.
When I approach my life from my selfish perspective it feels broken and overwhelming. Can you imagine what life would be like if Jesus had gone to the cross thinking about what was best for him? I have been seeing failures, rejections and delays. God has been seeing a stuborn kid who won't pick herself up off the floor to see all the amazing things just steps beyond her reach.
I know that if Bill or Cara's life were in danger I would trade my life for theirs in a heartbeat without even having to think about it. I love them more than myself and in that moment the choice would be simple. What God showed me today is that he isn't asking me to die for them in one brave moment. He is asking me to die to myself (my plans, expectations, desires, and the right to be put first) every single day and to put my families needs before my own in every moment. Ultimately to trust Him as He guides my family. To know that what God is asking of me in this moment seems unfair (like Cara's nap time) but that it's really what is best for the bigger picture.
So, just like an almost 3 year old, now I know better but I still don't really want to do it. So please pray that I would be able to trust God, get off my a$$, and start seeing the good in my life instead of all the ways it isn't going according to "plan".
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Thank You to Bill who has been nothing but patient and supportive in all the crazy things God has allowed to come my way this summer. I love you! You're amazing.
I reluctantly realized that though my struggles were real and valid, my attitude sucked. I have allowed myself to wallow in this place of selfishness where what I want should always come first. Such a place doesn't exist and I was annoyed that it couldn't exist. I was looking at my life from my perspective and I felt inadequate and unvalued at the same time.
Then, this week, I watched my almost 3 year old. She fell on the floor and although she was uninjured and perfectly capable of getting up, she laid there and begged for me to pick her up off the ground; which I lovingly did.
Cara has also learned which buttons to push to manipulate a situation. For example, She knows that, because she is newly potty trained, if she asks for me to take her to the bathroom, I will drop everything and run. She has learned how to get her way. She has developed her own desires and will do whatever it takes to make them a reality.
How different am I at 30 than she is at almost 3? I have my own desires and expectations and I am disappointed when they are not met. I have an agenda and I do everything within my control and abilities to accomplish it. (And I am annoyed about what gets in my way that I can't control.)
I am beyond capable of doing all the things that God is asking of me but instead I lay on the floor lazily because I'd rather complain then get up. Yet He picks me up over and over again and reminds me that I can do it all with His help.
When I look at Cara my heart breaks because I can see the bigger pictured for her. I know what skipping a nap now will mean for her day and her attitude. All she sees are the immediate things she'd rather do. When I move her in a direction she doesn't want to go, I know it's for the best, but she just thinks I am cruel or that I don't care what she wants.
It's the same with God. He looks at my broken heart and wishes I could see the bigger picture. What feels like endless delays for me is really God's incredible timing. What feels like failure in not having a second kid already God has given me as the gift of extended time with my daughter to be treasured.
When I approach my life from my selfish perspective it feels broken and overwhelming. Can you imagine what life would be like if Jesus had gone to the cross thinking about what was best for him? I have been seeing failures, rejections and delays. God has been seeing a stuborn kid who won't pick herself up off the floor to see all the amazing things just steps beyond her reach.
I know that if Bill or Cara's life were in danger I would trade my life for theirs in a heartbeat without even having to think about it. I love them more than myself and in that moment the choice would be simple. What God showed me today is that he isn't asking me to die for them in one brave moment. He is asking me to die to myself (my plans, expectations, desires, and the right to be put first) every single day and to put my families needs before my own in every moment. Ultimately to trust Him as He guides my family. To know that what God is asking of me in this moment seems unfair (like Cara's nap time) but that it's really what is best for the bigger picture.
So, just like an almost 3 year old, now I know better but I still don't really want to do it. So please pray that I would be able to trust God, get off my a$$, and start seeing the good in my life instead of all the ways it isn't going according to "plan".
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Thank You to Bill who has been nothing but patient and supportive in all the crazy things God has allowed to come my way this summer. I love you! You're amazing.
Monday, August 27, 2012
Update from Uganda
Many of you know that waiting is waiting. There aren't a lot of details in the waiting. Tonight we recieved the montly update from our adoption agency.
"I have received word from Ken and Cathy of at least 3 children at Tender Hearts who will likely be eligible for adoption over the next couple of months so we hope to be making some matches during that time. We have also received word from Pastor John at Kidron Valley of 4 girls who may also be available for adoption. The staff in Uganda are working diligently to get these children paper ready for referral to a prospective adoptive family. "
So that's all that we know for now.
Thank you to everyone who is waiting with us. Please continue to pray for us and for Ugi as we continue to trust God with the timing and ongoing journey of becoming a family.
"I have received word from Ken and Cathy of at least 3 children at Tender Hearts who will likely be eligible for adoption over the next couple of months so we hope to be making some matches during that time. We have also received word from Pastor John at Kidron Valley of 4 girls who may also be available for adoption. The staff in Uganda are working diligently to get these children paper ready for referral to a prospective adoptive family. "
So that's all that we know for now.
Thank you to everyone who is waiting with us. Please continue to pray for us and for Ugi as we continue to trust God with the timing and ongoing journey of becoming a family.
Monday, August 6, 2012
Coming Up for Air
I love roller coasters. I love the twists and turns and upside down loops. I love how quickly you race along the track and the feeling of flying through the air. They could be terrifying if you didn't trust the engineer and all the safety equipment that harnesses you in, but if you trust the mechanics of it, it can be a truly unbelieveable ride. One time I was at Six flags with my youth group and one of the students was nervous. "What if my harness comes undone?" I assured her it would be fine but the more I stood in line and thought about the answer to that question, I got a little nervous myself. You see I started to doubt.
Why do I share this with you? Because the month of July was one of the worst roller coasters I have ever been on! We were thrilled to be nearing the end of our dossier paperwork. All we needed was one last piece of paper to arrive in the mail and we would be able to place a huge check mark on our "to do" list.
I hadn't heard anything from the agency in Kentucky (despite having sent in a ton of photos and documents over a week ago) so I decided to place a phone call to follow up. The day unraveled from there and ended with me in a ball on the couch sobbing. Several of our documents were missing. Big important documents that involved fingerprinting, state clearances, expensive fees and long waits.
I called our agency in NJ that is helping us with our home study and adoptive parent classes, to see if they knew where the paperwork was. Turns out they had it (roller coaster goes back up a bit) but they refused to release it to the Kentucky agency because another document was missing. (small drop)This document is similar to the HIPPA laws in medical care. It has to be signed by us and both agencies saying that it's legal for all of our information to be shared between one another. The NJ office had received an email on June 12th saying our inter agency agreement never went through (mind you this was almost a full month prior to my phone call and no one called to tell us this). The impact of this document being missing meant that our ENTIRE process needed to be thrown out, redone, and that the agency in NJ could loose it's license for adoption (my roller coaster took a huge gut wrenching drop).
To top it all off several of the people needed to sign these documents were on overlapping vacations and couldn't fix anything until they got back!
In the same day I called back to the Kentucky agency to make them aware of the inter agency error and was met with more bad news. Our FBI/US Immigration paperwork was filled out incorrectly by the government agent and had been sent incorrect to Uganda. I had no idea what the ramifications of this would be but I knew it was bad and possibly costly. My roller coaster felt stuck upside down in a loop.
In the end I worked my butt off to get all the documents corrected and in their proper destinations. Several overnight fedex bills later, things seemed to be right again with the world. The roller coster was almost back on track. Now we were only waiting to have our government forms corrected and they were avoiding my very frequent calls.
In the midst of it all I felt like I was drowning. I began to doubt God's goodness and control. I didn't think my harness would hold. I mean I knew it in my heart but my heart was broken. My roller coaster was out of control and I felt like my harness was coming undone.
On Friday, July 20th I was nearly numb as I drove to an adoption support group at a local church. Part of me wondered if there was even an adoption to support anymore. However, after talking with some of the families in attendance (and running into an old friend from high school that's also adopting) it was like coming up for air.
Our family had been supportive and compassionate about the disappointment and outrage over so many human errors delaying our adoption process, but it's nearly impossible to understand the journey unless you've walked it yourself. These families were able to remind me once again that we are not adopting because Cara needs a younger brother (even though she's soooo excited about it), we're adopting because God has given us a heart to love the wounded. To unconditionally love children who will do their best to tear our lives apart and make us believe they're unlovable. To raise children who have been forgotten, abused and tossed aside and who will always live in fear of it happening again. Without using the direct words these families unknowlingly assured me that it's worth it, because if we don't love these kids, who will?
On July 27th (my30th birthday) we got an email from the adoption agency saying that two new families traveled home in July (yeah!!!) but that they have not been able to make any new matches in over 4 months! There is a lot of politics and paperwork in the way of these poor children coming home.
Just as I was about to hit the emergency break and reconsider if the roller coaster ride was worth it, we found out on August 1st (9 months exactly into our official process) that our paperwork was all in and approved. Just a few days later we found out that we're officially family #8 on the waiting list for our orphanage. It will still be a long wait (possibly even more than a year) to be matched but we've reached a huge checkpoint in the process. A lot it still unknown but what is known is that even when it feels out of control and the heartbreak seems unbearable, God is still at work.
So in the words of our good friend Melody, "Let the countdown begin!"
Why do I share this with you? Because the month of July was one of the worst roller coasters I have ever been on! We were thrilled to be nearing the end of our dossier paperwork. All we needed was one last piece of paper to arrive in the mail and we would be able to place a huge check mark on our "to do" list.
I hadn't heard anything from the agency in Kentucky (despite having sent in a ton of photos and documents over a week ago) so I decided to place a phone call to follow up. The day unraveled from there and ended with me in a ball on the couch sobbing. Several of our documents were missing. Big important documents that involved fingerprinting, state clearances, expensive fees and long waits.
I called our agency in NJ that is helping us with our home study and adoptive parent classes, to see if they knew where the paperwork was. Turns out they had it (roller coaster goes back up a bit) but they refused to release it to the Kentucky agency because another document was missing. (small drop)This document is similar to the HIPPA laws in medical care. It has to be signed by us and both agencies saying that it's legal for all of our information to be shared between one another. The NJ office had received an email on June 12th saying our inter agency agreement never went through (mind you this was almost a full month prior to my phone call and no one called to tell us this). The impact of this document being missing meant that our ENTIRE process needed to be thrown out, redone, and that the agency in NJ could loose it's license for adoption (my roller coaster took a huge gut wrenching drop).
To top it all off several of the people needed to sign these documents were on overlapping vacations and couldn't fix anything until they got back!
In the same day I called back to the Kentucky agency to make them aware of the inter agency error and was met with more bad news. Our FBI/US Immigration paperwork was filled out incorrectly by the government agent and had been sent incorrect to Uganda. I had no idea what the ramifications of this would be but I knew it was bad and possibly costly. My roller coaster felt stuck upside down in a loop.
In the end I worked my butt off to get all the documents corrected and in their proper destinations. Several overnight fedex bills later, things seemed to be right again with the world. The roller coster was almost back on track. Now we were only waiting to have our government forms corrected and they were avoiding my very frequent calls.
In the midst of it all I felt like I was drowning. I began to doubt God's goodness and control. I didn't think my harness would hold. I mean I knew it in my heart but my heart was broken. My roller coaster was out of control and I felt like my harness was coming undone.
On Friday, July 20th I was nearly numb as I drove to an adoption support group at a local church. Part of me wondered if there was even an adoption to support anymore. However, after talking with some of the families in attendance (and running into an old friend from high school that's also adopting) it was like coming up for air.
Our family had been supportive and compassionate about the disappointment and outrage over so many human errors delaying our adoption process, but it's nearly impossible to understand the journey unless you've walked it yourself. These families were able to remind me once again that we are not adopting because Cara needs a younger brother (even though she's soooo excited about it), we're adopting because God has given us a heart to love the wounded. To unconditionally love children who will do their best to tear our lives apart and make us believe they're unlovable. To raise children who have been forgotten, abused and tossed aside and who will always live in fear of it happening again. Without using the direct words these families unknowlingly assured me that it's worth it, because if we don't love these kids, who will?
On July 27th (my30th birthday) we got an email from the adoption agency saying that two new families traveled home in July (yeah!!!) but that they have not been able to make any new matches in over 4 months! There is a lot of politics and paperwork in the way of these poor children coming home.
Just as I was about to hit the emergency break and reconsider if the roller coaster ride was worth it, we found out on August 1st (9 months exactly into our official process) that our paperwork was all in and approved. Just a few days later we found out that we're officially family #8 on the waiting list for our orphanage. It will still be a long wait (possibly even more than a year) to be matched but we've reached a huge checkpoint in the process. A lot it still unknown but what is known is that even when it feels out of control and the heartbreak seems unbearable, God is still at work.
So in the words of our good friend Melody, "Let the countdown begin!"
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Lies
This summer I (Lauren) took a job teaching at a christian summer camp. It has been truly wonderful to connect with the kids and share my passion for God with them. What I was not prepared for was the added spiritual battle. Almost immediately I've been feeling like Eeyore with an added cloud of gloom following me around in everything I do. Some days are easier than other but this past week and a half has been almost unbearable.
Sometimes when you're walking around in a cloud of gloom the simplest lies can seem believable. One of the main lies that has been trying to take over my thoughts is that this adoption is never actually going to happen.
Last week my mother-in-law (Cathy Kamps) spoke some great wisdom into my cloud of gloom. She told me to cling to what I know to be truth and to ignore anything else. Today as I was feeling particularly burdened I turned to scripture and found the same wisdom and hope in Psalm 40.
"Do not withhold your mercy from me, O Lord; may your LOVE and TRUTH always protect me. For troubles without number surround me...my heart fails within me. Be pleased, O Lord to save me; O Lord come quickly to help me."
So here's what I know to be truth in this situation:
TRUTH: We have an amazing marriage built on a great friendship
TRUTH: We are united in our desire to adopt internationally
TRUTH: God has been with us through every step of this journey from day 1.
TRUTH: Despite a tight budget God has provided every penny we have needed for the almost $10,000 in adoption bills we have paid thus far.
TRUTH: God is in control of this process, it's timing, and who will become part of our family.
TRUTH: We have passed every interview and perceived road block with flying colors.
So tonight I rest in truth, ignore the lies and I trust in God.
Sometimes when you're walking around in a cloud of gloom the simplest lies can seem believable. One of the main lies that has been trying to take over my thoughts is that this adoption is never actually going to happen.
Last week my mother-in-law (Cathy Kamps) spoke some great wisdom into my cloud of gloom. She told me to cling to what I know to be truth and to ignore anything else. Today as I was feeling particularly burdened I turned to scripture and found the same wisdom and hope in Psalm 40.
"Do not withhold your mercy from me, O Lord; may your LOVE and TRUTH always protect me. For troubles without number surround me...my heart fails within me. Be pleased, O Lord to save me; O Lord come quickly to help me."
So here's what I know to be truth in this situation:
TRUTH: We have an amazing marriage built on a great friendship
TRUTH: We are united in our desire to adopt internationally
TRUTH: God has been with us through every step of this journey from day 1.
TRUTH: Despite a tight budget God has provided every penny we have needed for the almost $10,000 in adoption bills we have paid thus far.
TRUTH: God is in control of this process, it's timing, and who will become part of our family.
TRUTH: We have passed every interview and perceived road block with flying colors.
So tonight I rest in truth, ignore the lies and I trust in God.
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
A Reason For Hope
This picture is a before and after of a young boy who came to live with them temporarily. These are the kinds of pictures that are going before the judges who decide if we get to bring our son home. You can see why photos like this are causing them to stop and reevaluate what is happening to children in their country. Why are they showing up in orphanges looking like this before picture? What can be done to prevent it?
This before and after photo is an example of hope for Uganda :).
Last Stop Before the Waiting List
Yesterday was our 7 year wedding anniversary!
It was also our appointment to have our fingerprints done for the FBI. There was a moment when we weren't sure if we were going to make it to our appointment, but in the end we were allowed in and everything went smoothly. We should have the results in a few weeks and after a quick review of our paperwork we expect to be put on the waiting list for a child :)
My (Lauren) heart is still heavy about such a long delay before Ugi comes home. A month ago I would have been crying tears of joy to hit such a milestone in our journey. Yesterday a part of me felt numb. I had allowed myself to create so many hopes and dreams centered around our son coming home this year. The thought of another holiday without him is hard to bare. My instinct is to guard my heart and refuse to allow myself to love again. I will not let this happen. This week the lyrics to Matt Hammitt's "All of Me" are challenging me not to give up on our journey.
It was also our appointment to have our fingerprints done for the FBI. There was a moment when we weren't sure if we were going to make it to our appointment, but in the end we were allowed in and everything went smoothly. We should have the results in a few weeks and after a quick review of our paperwork we expect to be put on the waiting list for a child :)
My (Lauren) heart is still heavy about such a long delay before Ugi comes home. A month ago I would have been crying tears of joy to hit such a milestone in our journey. Yesterday a part of me felt numb. I had allowed myself to create so many hopes and dreams centered around our son coming home this year. The thought of another holiday without him is hard to bare. My instinct is to guard my heart and refuse to allow myself to love again. I will not let this happen. This week the lyrics to Matt Hammitt's "All of Me" are challenging me not to give up on our journey.
Afraid to love
Something that could break
Could I move on
If you were torn away?
And I'm so close to what I can't control
I can't give you half my heart
And pray He makes you whole
(Chorus)
You're gonna have all of me
You're gonna have all of me
'Cause you're worth every falling tear
You're worth facing any fear
You're gonna know all my love
Even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me is where I'll start
I won't let sadness steal you from my arms
I won't let pain keep you from my heart
I'll trade the fear of all that I could lose
For every moment I [will one day] share with you
Something that could break
Could I move on
If you were torn away?
And I'm so close to what I can't control
I can't give you half my heart
And pray He makes you whole
(Chorus)
You're gonna have all of me
You're gonna have all of me
'Cause you're worth every falling tear
You're worth facing any fear
You're gonna know all my love
Even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me is where I'll start
I won't let sadness steal you from my arms
I won't let pain keep you from my heart
I'll trade the fear of all that I could lose
For every moment I [will one day] share with you
[and one day when we finally get to hold him I know this is what I'll sing]
Heaven brought you to this moment, it's too wonderful to speak
You're worth all of me, you're worth all of me
So let me recklessly love you, even if I bleed
You're worth all of me, you're worth all of me
It's where I'll start
Heaven brought you to this moment, it's too wonderful to speak
You're worth all of me, you're worth all of me
So let me recklessly love you, even if I bleed
You're worth all of me, you're worth all of me
It's where I'll start
Monday, June 4, 2012
Heartbroken but not Hopeless
Or at least that's what I keep telling myself...
Today we recieved an email from Lisa (our social worker with Helping Hands Adoption Agency) stating that our expected wait time once we reach the waiting list is being increased from 1-2 months to at least 6 months (probably more). In addition the wait time between accepting our refferal/match and our court date is being increased from 4-6 weeks to 4 months. Added up that means that we just added a minimum of 10 months onto our time table.
When our application was approved back in November we were given an estimated process time of 9 months to 1 year. It now looks as if it will be closer to 2 years. At least we're already 7 months in.
Ultimately (after emailing back and forth for futher explination) the reasons behind these delays benifit the lives of the Children in Uganda and for that I am greatful. The court system is filling up with families interested in adopting from Uganda (great news for the millions of orphans). With each case the legal system is realizing just how horrific the condidtions for Ugandan children have become. They are arresting parents for neglect and abandoment based on the photos taken when children arrive in the orphanges. They are also cracking down on the types of children eligible for adoption. For example a mother that states she does not know who the father is or where he is, would previously have been allowed to place the child up for adoption. The new laws now require her to present all of her sexual partners for DNA testing to prove who the father is, and that he is unwilling and unable to care for the child. Situations like this take time. In addition the court system is requiring more and more documentation to prove that every effort has been made to find a living relative for the children found abandoned. This takes our lawyers aproximately 6 months to accomplish.
It is incredibly encouraging that the legal system in Uganda is taking responsibility for their orphans and doing everything in their power to make sure that children in their country are raised in healthy living situations. However, at the moment I grieve the additional time without our son. I can't even bring myself to go near his room knowing that the crib will continue to remain empty.
I have had to remind myself time and time again that God has brought us on this journey because there are children that need homes....not because Bill and I need more children. It's not about expanding our family as much as it is about becoming a family for Ugi.
Still I sit here heartbroken. My heart was set on seeing his face by the end of the summer and holding him soon after. I can't even begin to explain how it is possible to love a child you've never met so deeply. To know that he is waiting for you and there is nothing you can do to change that.
I will continue to pray that if he's not already there that God will guide his way to the Tenderheart Babies Home where Ken and Cathy can lovingly care for him until we are able to. I will continue to be thankful for the missionaries that hold the children during vacinations while we cannot. I will continue to trust that God has a plan to love, comfort and provide for Ugi and I will continue to be thankful for any part that we get to play in that plan.
Photos from the orphange:
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| Immunizations |
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| It's rare for an orphange to have a fun open place for the kids to play. |
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| Sometimes the best thing you can do is hug them for the mommies that can't. |
The song keeping me going today is "Safe" by Phil Wickham
To the one who's dreams are falling all apart
And all you're left with is a tired and broken heart
I can tell by your eyes you think your on your own
but you're not all alone
Have you heard of the One who can calm the raging seas
Give sight to the blind, pull the lame up to their feet
With a love so strong he'll never let you go
oh you're not alone
Chorus:
You will be safe in His arms
You will be safe in His arms
'Cause the hands that hold the world are holding your heart
This is the promise He made
He will be with You always
When everything is falling apart
You will be safe in His arms
Friday, June 1, 2012
Big Sister
Cara moved into her "big girl" room around the time that we were visited by our social worker for our home inspection. We had been working hard to get the house ready and talking a lot about "Ugi" (our nickname for our son until we know his name - short for Uganda) alot. Without realizing it we had communicated to Cara that Ugi was coming home soon. In her little mind this meant braving the transition into a new room and a "big girl" bed so that her brother would have a place to live. It started randomly with a nap one day. "Mom, can I sleep in my 'big girl' room today?"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
A few days later she asked to spend the night (right between our two interviews). My heart melted when I finally put the pieces together and saw things from Cara's perspective. The social worker showed up for our final interview and Cara met her at the door "You didn't bring Ugi!" She wasn't sad. She just didn't understand what all the getting ready was for if he wasn't actually coming home.
Since then Cara has been working hard at learning how to be a big sister. She has set aside some of her favorite books and toys, even a favorite blanket for her brother to have "when he comes home mommy." When we went shopping for our new baby cousin (my sister-in-law is due in June!) Cara insisted on buying something for Ugi as well.
She has decided that she will teach him how to climb the stairs and play with toys. She has also started helping me with the little boy that I watch once a week. She loves handing me wipes while I change diapers, finding his pacifier, feeding him, and bringing him various toys when he cries. Below are some photos from today. She practices these things with no prompting from me at all,she's just so excited to be a good big sister.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
A few days later she asked to spend the night (right between our two interviews). My heart melted when I finally put the pieces together and saw things from Cara's perspective. The social worker showed up for our final interview and Cara met her at the door "You didn't bring Ugi!" She wasn't sad. She just didn't understand what all the getting ready was for if he wasn't actually coming home.
Since then Cara has been working hard at learning how to be a big sister. She has set aside some of her favorite books and toys, even a favorite blanket for her brother to have "when he comes home mommy." When we went shopping for our new baby cousin (my sister-in-law is due in June!) Cara insisted on buying something for Ugi as well.
She has decided that she will teach him how to climb the stairs and play with toys. She has also started helping me with the little boy that I watch once a week. She loves handing me wipes while I change diapers, finding his pacifier, feeding him, and bringing him various toys when he cries. Below are some photos from today. She practices these things with no prompting from me at all,she's just so excited to be a good big sister.
 |
| Pushing the swing gently |
 |
| Pulling the wagon to the park |
.JPG) |
| Feeding Cheerios - working on the one for you two for me principal |
Thursday, May 31, 2012
What's in a Name?
Today I had the pleasure of a fun day out with Caraline. Our day ended with a visit to Chick-fila. While we were there I saw an adoptive family. Every time I heard the little girl say "Thank you Mommy" or yell "Mommy!" from the play area I felt my heart smile. The family had 3 kids and they clearly loved each other a lot. It made me hopeful for the family God has for us.
Saturday, May 26, 2012
We Have A Winner!
We collected the last of the iPad entries today and put all of your name into www.randompicker.com and it selected Adam and Cindy Woodhull as the winners! Congratulations!
To see the official entries and results you can go to http://www.randompicker.com/protocol/Protocol.aspx?ID=6305
To see the official entries and results you can go to http://www.randompicker.com/protocol/Protocol.aspx?ID=6305
Oh What A Letter Can Do!
If you know anything about adoption you probably know that a significant part of the process is waiting. So much waiting. Our most recent phase of waiting has been has been focused on our mailbox. Four weeks ago we wrote a check for a lot of money, sent out a form and we were told to wait for a letter in the mail that would give us a date and time for our last fingerprint clearance.
We received our letter from the Department of Homeland Security today!!! This is the final step in the Dossier stage (the paperwork and background check stage). ,However, this isn't even the most amazing part. I know you'd think that finally receiving the letter we've been waiting for would be the most amazing part but it's not. The most amazing part is that out of 365 days in a year the date they assigned us is 6-19-12...our seven year wedding anniversary!
In the midst of all the waiting there are days when it feels like Uganda is very far away. If you let yourself you can start to wonder if you will ever really hold your son. Will this family ever be complete? People constantly ask you if there has been any progress in the adoption process and the answer is most frequently "no." If you let it, it can be very discouraging.
And then a letter comes in the mail and within it is a little love note from God. 6-19-12. A very important date for our family. We could have been assigned any day of the week, any day within the next 3 months and "somehow" we were assigned our 7 year wedding anniversary. For me, this is God's way of communicating to me that He is in control of this process and even though it feels slow, it's happening in His perfect timing.
Seven is also a holy number in the bible. As stated in my previous post, we wanted to begin this process a long time ago, but we waited until we felt like God was giving us the green light. For me this is just continued conformation that we're doing this at the right time and that even though there are many hurdles ahead, it's all going to work out because its HIS plan.
YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!
We received our letter from the Department of Homeland Security today!!! This is the final step in the Dossier stage (the paperwork and background check stage). ,However, this isn't even the most amazing part. I know you'd think that finally receiving the letter we've been waiting for would be the most amazing part but it's not. The most amazing part is that out of 365 days in a year the date they assigned us is 6-19-12...our seven year wedding anniversary!
In the midst of all the waiting there are days when it feels like Uganda is very far away. If you let yourself you can start to wonder if you will ever really hold your son. Will this family ever be complete? People constantly ask you if there has been any progress in the adoption process and the answer is most frequently "no." If you let it, it can be very discouraging.
And then a letter comes in the mail and within it is a little love note from God. 6-19-12. A very important date for our family. We could have been assigned any day of the week, any day within the next 3 months and "somehow" we were assigned our 7 year wedding anniversary. For me, this is God's way of communicating to me that He is in control of this process and even though it feels slow, it's happening in His perfect timing.
Seven is also a holy number in the bible. As stated in my previous post, we wanted to begin this process a long time ago, but we waited until we felt like God was giving us the green light. For me this is just continued conformation that we're doing this at the right time and that even though there are many hurdles ahead, it's all going to work out because its HIS plan.
YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Some Babies Are Born from Mommy's Belly, Others Are Born From Mommy's Heart
First let me start out by saying that I did not start this blog because I feel that I am in anyway special or worthy of your attention. In fact, in some ways it's the opposite. God often uses the ordinary to show us how extraordinary He is.
That being said, I know there are many family and friends that don't want to be pests but they don't want to miss out on any adoption news either. Hopefully this blog will be a way for everyone to journey with us as we bring our son home.
BORN OF THE HEART
People often ask us how Caraline, our biological 2 year old, is handling the adoption process. "What do you tell her?" It's funny when you're 2 you have no expectations of how your family is going to grow. You're just excited to know that someday there will be someone else to play with.
I'm not sure when I first heard the phrase "born of the heart." God was planting seeds of adoption in both of our hearts long before Bill and I took notice. I learned about the Invisible Children suffering in Uganda back in high school World Cultures classes. Bill and I both had the opportunity to serve first hand in an orphanage in South Africa in college (in fact my murals still adorn their walls). We both came to love different cultures and appreciate diversity in our friendships. It wasn't until after we were married that we both realized we were equally interested in adoption. Not as a solution to infertility or as a back up plan, but as the primary way to grow our family. We knew that was a unique thing so we kept it in the background as we enjoyed our newlywed years. The more we talked about family the more we realized that there were too many children in this world that needed parents. Why not us?
In 2008 I sent away for information from America World Adoptions. We were curious. What was involved in international adoption? The moment I began reading the brochure my heart attached itself to the word "orphan". We had talked about them as children. We knew they needed a home. Somehow we never used the word "orphan" until that moment. It was then, sitting on my kitchen floor, that something began in my heart that I've been unable to subdue ever since. We needed to bring our children home.
Our next step was to go to a seminar where we could ask questions and find out more. It was here that we learned that each country has their own standards about who can adopt. I very much wanted a little girl from China but we learned that both Bill and I would have to turn 30 before we'd be allowed to apply to China. At 26 years old, this was hard to hear.
We began looking at other programs but Bill was also interested in having at least one of our own children first. So in December of 2009 we welcomed Caraline into our family. I was very nervous about being a mom to an infant. Those of you who talked to me while I was pregnant already got an earful of that story, but what I can say now is that I've never been more wrong about anything in my life. Raising Cara has been the biggest blessing in my life so far.
As Cara began to grow (almost all adoption programs require at least 6 months between a birth or an adoption before you can begin applying for another child) we continued to turn our hearts to God and we felt continued conformation that there was a child out there God needed us to raise.
For me (Lauren) the desire to adopt never dulled. Bill would sometimes be embarrassed when we'd see other adoptive families in public because I would just stare and stare. I couldn't get enough of their beautiful faces and laughter. "Lauren, it's rude to covet other people's children." My response - "isn't that what adoption is?" haha.
Needless to say I was thrilled to continue our journey toward adoption. We spent many months researching countries that had the greatest need. Bill teaches about things like modern day holocaust, human trafficking, and other horrible things going on in the world. Every year I take my youth group through a program designed to educate students about world hunger, famine, disease, and poverty. We were aware of millions of orphans. We began asking God to direct our path and narrow the search.
Because of our time in South Africa we started there, but quickly learned that they required families to live in South Africa for a minimum of 3 years before a child could come home to the United States. With Cara being the first grandchild on both sides of our family we knew that leaving for 3 years was not an option.
After a lot of research we circled back to the Invisible Children in Uganda. If you saw the KONY2012 video that went viral a few months ago you may already be familiar with some of the horrible things that have been happening to children in Uganda for many years. Even though Joseph Kony left Uganda in 2009 to continue his travesty elsewhere, there was an entire generation of children (now adults) scared by his regime. In a country trying to rebuild, millions of orphans are left without hope and a generation whose childhood was stolen are starting to become parents themselves. Babies are left in toilets (dirt holes in the ground), abandoned in parks, or left on doorsteps of families already struggling to get by. All of this on top of famine, flooding, AIDS and Malaria. It didn't take long for us to feel pretty strongly that God was asking us to bring our son home from Uganda.
There have been many ups and downs in the process so far. I finally feel like we're close enough to the end of this journey that we can update a blog often enough to keep people interested. Thank you to everyone who has been with us for all of these years; especially those of you who attended our Flapjack Fundraiser last June which gave us the kick start we needed to jump into the application process.
We look forward to all that God is going to teach us through this process. Right now that's patience.
That being said, I know there are many family and friends that don't want to be pests but they don't want to miss out on any adoption news either. Hopefully this blog will be a way for everyone to journey with us as we bring our son home.
BORN OF THE HEART
People often ask us how Caraline, our biological 2 year old, is handling the adoption process. "What do you tell her?" It's funny when you're 2 you have no expectations of how your family is going to grow. You're just excited to know that someday there will be someone else to play with.
I'm not sure when I first heard the phrase "born of the heart." God was planting seeds of adoption in both of our hearts long before Bill and I took notice. I learned about the Invisible Children suffering in Uganda back in high school World Cultures classes. Bill and I both had the opportunity to serve first hand in an orphanage in South Africa in college (in fact my murals still adorn their walls). We both came to love different cultures and appreciate diversity in our friendships. It wasn't until after we were married that we both realized we were equally interested in adoption. Not as a solution to infertility or as a back up plan, but as the primary way to grow our family. We knew that was a unique thing so we kept it in the background as we enjoyed our newlywed years. The more we talked about family the more we realized that there were too many children in this world that needed parents. Why not us?
In 2008 I sent away for information from America World Adoptions. We were curious. What was involved in international adoption? The moment I began reading the brochure my heart attached itself to the word "orphan". We had talked about them as children. We knew they needed a home. Somehow we never used the word "orphan" until that moment. It was then, sitting on my kitchen floor, that something began in my heart that I've been unable to subdue ever since. We needed to bring our children home.
Our next step was to go to a seminar where we could ask questions and find out more. It was here that we learned that each country has their own standards about who can adopt. I very much wanted a little girl from China but we learned that both Bill and I would have to turn 30 before we'd be allowed to apply to China. At 26 years old, this was hard to hear.
We began looking at other programs but Bill was also interested in having at least one of our own children first. So in December of 2009 we welcomed Caraline into our family. I was very nervous about being a mom to an infant. Those of you who talked to me while I was pregnant already got an earful of that story, but what I can say now is that I've never been more wrong about anything in my life. Raising Cara has been the biggest blessing in my life so far.
As Cara began to grow (almost all adoption programs require at least 6 months between a birth or an adoption before you can begin applying for another child) we continued to turn our hearts to God and we felt continued conformation that there was a child out there God needed us to raise.
For me (Lauren) the desire to adopt never dulled. Bill would sometimes be embarrassed when we'd see other adoptive families in public because I would just stare and stare. I couldn't get enough of their beautiful faces and laughter. "Lauren, it's rude to covet other people's children." My response - "isn't that what adoption is?" haha.
Needless to say I was thrilled to continue our journey toward adoption. We spent many months researching countries that had the greatest need. Bill teaches about things like modern day holocaust, human trafficking, and other horrible things going on in the world. Every year I take my youth group through a program designed to educate students about world hunger, famine, disease, and poverty. We were aware of millions of orphans. We began asking God to direct our path and narrow the search.
Because of our time in South Africa we started there, but quickly learned that they required families to live in South Africa for a minimum of 3 years before a child could come home to the United States. With Cara being the first grandchild on both sides of our family we knew that leaving for 3 years was not an option.
After a lot of research we circled back to the Invisible Children in Uganda. If you saw the KONY2012 video that went viral a few months ago you may already be familiar with some of the horrible things that have been happening to children in Uganda for many years. Even though Joseph Kony left Uganda in 2009 to continue his travesty elsewhere, there was an entire generation of children (now adults) scared by his regime. In a country trying to rebuild, millions of orphans are left without hope and a generation whose childhood was stolen are starting to become parents themselves. Babies are left in toilets (dirt holes in the ground), abandoned in parks, or left on doorsteps of families already struggling to get by. All of this on top of famine, flooding, AIDS and Malaria. It didn't take long for us to feel pretty strongly that God was asking us to bring our son home from Uganda.
There have been many ups and downs in the process so far. I finally feel like we're close enough to the end of this journey that we can update a blog often enough to keep people interested. Thank you to everyone who has been with us for all of these years; especially those of you who attended our Flapjack Fundraiser last June which gave us the kick start we needed to jump into the application process.
We look forward to all that God is going to teach us through this process. Right now that's patience.
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