Overdue

There are a lot of thoughts buzzing around my head today so I apologize in advance if this blog is not my best.

The last time I sat down to write I spent nearly two hours adding pictures and updates. Once I was finished I went to spell check myself (because it's me we're talking about) and for whatever reason, everything got deleted.

So this post is long overdue.

If you haven't heard we are now #5 on the waiting list. They were able to find a home for Joan (a baby girl born blind) which is a huge praise. We also had one family put their adoption on hold due to a pregnancy of their own (here's hoping that was good news for them!). So that brings us to #5. We received an email last week saying that they hope to make a few more matches over the next few months.

In the meantime we have managed to connect with other NJ families looking to adopt from Africa. It's very comforting to hear that there are other families on this journey as well. It really normalizes things to hear other Moms share their experiences with delays and documentation errors. You can begin to think that it's your fault or that there must be more we should be doing. Having other families to check in with is great. It's also encouraging to know that there will be families that look like ours not too far away.

Almost every time I go out with Cara someone stops to tell me that we look just like each other. It hit me today while Cara and I were on a lunch date with friends when someone stopped to ask "Is that your daughter? She looks just like you!" - How will Ugi feel when he hears that? I have to trust that God will speak to his heart and help him to understand what an essential part of our family he is. I also have to remember to have a good attitude and use those moments as an opportunity to explain the beauty of adoption and how God brought our family together.

When we got married it helped me to understand God's love in a new way. It helped me to see how selfish I was and how amazing it can be to run the marathon of life with a committed partner by your side. When we had Cara I learned how instantly love can happen and how deep the bond can be between parent and child. Again I learned how selfish I was and how rewarding it can be when we begin to put others needs before our own. The world is so much more wonderful when it isn't all about me! I also began to see my faith in a whole new way through my child's eyes. Everything and everyone in the world is beautiful and valuable to her. She is never in a rush and her heart longs to spend time with those she loves (especially her friends). As we seek to bring our son home I am continuing to learn God's heart for those he loves. The way he waits patiently for us to come to him. The deep love he has for those that don't even know him yet. The beauty of taking a life lost and adopting it into your family permanently. I am sure this is just the start of many things that God plans to teach us through our adoption process. I also know that the waiting is actually the easiest part and process of bonding that is before us is sure to break my heart in a thousand ways. It will be a roller coaster of moments that take our breath away and moments where we just want to scream. But it will be worth it, so worth it.

 I keep reading in scripture about all the ways that God's people walk away from him, forget him, or out and out reject him for something perceived to be better. I am sure there will be days when, like God, we will have to fight hard to prove our love to our child(ren). I am sure there will be days when Ugi wonders why things didn't turn out another way for him, and he might wonder if another path was better. When we read the bible and see people doubting God it's like "come on you idiots he just rescued you again! He has given you everything you need. Why would you doubt him now?" But we all do it every day. We struggle to control things. We think we have a better way. We get lost in unrealistic expectations and then blame God when it doesn't work out like we planned. From our (Bill and Mine) perspective this adoption is planned and purposeful, but for Ugi there will always be a part of him that can't see that side of things. Above all else I just hope Ugi knows he is loved (and isn't that God's message to us?)