Case Closed

If only you could truly be inside my head. You would surely laugh. At times I feel like David looking at Goliath and knowing I have the God given ability to knock him down and I am just waiting for someone to say "go!" so I can sling this rock and get on with what needs to be done. What I wouldn't give to cut off the enemy's head about now.

At times I feel like Moses standing before Pharaoh begging him to let my people go.

At times I'm just myself kicking and screaming, jumping and cheering because I know that God is bigger than all power and authority and it doesn't matter what laws are in place, God could bring Simon home.

But sometimes the answer is just no. Sometimes we aren't meant to sling the rock or release a billion frogs on our enemy. Sometimes the social worker calls and says the lawyer has officially closed the case. Not that we walk away from the challenge or that we give up on the fight but if the officials call the game you don't keep playing. You stop, rest, wait and train for the next round.

So today I took Simon's picture off the wall and placed it in my bible where I will always be reminded to pray for him as he grows up. Then I finally went into Cara's room and hung his star near hers so that in some way they will always be together. I changed the picture on my phone from his precious little feet to one of my beautiful Caraline making me so proud at school.

Today I said"goodbye" instead of "see you soon."

A week ago today I was reminded by a good friend that I have been blessed beyond measure. She challenged me to treasure the details of my life now. What an incredible gift it is to stop and treasure the details of your life. I have absolutely nothing to be sad about and so much worth being thankful for, including Simon.

So while this news is always hard to process, I am thankful for the closure. I am thankful for a chance to go back on the waiting list and have an opportunity to be used in another child's life. Above everything else...today I am thankful.