An Honest Prayer

Today was so full of such a variety of emotions it is hard to know where to begin.

I barely slept last night, I was so worried that I might oversleep and be late for (being early to) the embassy. I set two alarms and still woke every hour or so to check the clock. When it was finally time to get ready I was delightfully anxious with anticipation of the day.

The circumstances of the morning didn't go quite as expected and for a moment I thought I was going to have to walk to the embassy. I had to make a difficult decision and I could not have been more thankful for one of the other moms here, Christine. She had just finished her morning run and gotten out of the shower, but when she heard I might have to walk and didn't know the way she dropped everything to help me. In the end I was able to continue on without her, but I will never forget the way she was ready to rescue me. Her personal story of adoption is very hard, it is hers to share, but I'll say that I don't know many of us who could walk in her shoes with such grace. I have witnessed few people who can roll with uncertain circumstances the way that she has and in the midst of all this, she was willing to drop everything and help me; someone who honestly, has had it easy. I am so humbled by her goodness.

In the end I arrived at the embassy a half hour before my appointment. I lost my iPhone between the car and the second security station but I didn't care. I can survive a few more days without a phone  but I could not miss this interview.(sorry Hawk Family that lent me the phone, I promise I would have replaced it somehow) Thankfully, I had a memory card for my camera in my backpack that I didn't realize I had. This meant I had to go back out and start the security check over again...which also meant I ran into the nicest woman ever who reunited me with my phone.

So so far we have experienced sleeplessness, peace, stress, anxiousness, gratefulness, a humbled heart, more stress, relief, and more gratefulness...

The document check was hard to read. They asked me a few questions I didn't know the answers to. They were concerned about our PO report and our fingerprint clearances. They were incredibly kind and patient with me as I rifled through 26 folders of files but I wasn't convinced I was giving them everything they wanted. In the end they asked me to wait and said an officer would need to review the documents. "IF" I was cleared to leave I would need to pay the cashier before exiting the building.

I sat back down in the waiting room and began to pray. At first my prayers were for everything to be fine. I asked God for the computer system to be able to download our fingerprint results (since they gave me back our hard copy and insisted on checking the computer again). As I prayed I continued to list off exactly what I would like Him to do for me, and then I stopped...this can't be my prayer. God is not a genie. I changed my heart and began to ask God for the strength to be grateful regardless of the outcome. I asked him to help me once again lean not on my own understanding but to acknowledge him in everything and trust him, if needed, to make a crooked path straight. I still felt unsure of the outcome, but I was calm and confident that whatever lay on the other side of that door would be for the best.

While I waited I got to visit with another mother doing exactly what I was doing. Her family had been together all through December and had to face the difficult circumstance of sending the husband home this past week as well. We found strength in each others stories and comfort in having one another to wait with.

In the end they finally called my name and asked me to visit the cashier. This meant I passed. "Please come back at 2pm for your interview." she said. "Yes Mam! Anything you say!" I thought. Isaac and I grabbed a quick lunch back at the guest house and then hopped back in the car for the interview. I wondered if there was a way I could still screw this up or cause a delay. Thankfully, Mr. Hayes is a wonderful man. We have met him now on three occasions and I have a great respect for him. He is someone who knows exactly what it means to do his job and who he is working for. He will do absolutely anything within his power to make this process smooth for adopting families but ultimately he honors the law and he is able to make the hard call if needed. I knew that I could trust him.

My interview was quick. Our lawyers and social workers did a great job preparing Isaac's file and there are no gaps to his story. I swore an oath and I was asked to recount Isaac's story as I understood it. I was also asked to recount our story of how we ended up adopting in Uganda and being matched with Isaac. After 10 min Mr. Hayes said Isaac's case was very clear cut and he was happy to approve his file. I then left with a very squirmy boy who was beyond ready for his nap.

The rest of the day felt a bit like watching myself in a movie. I felt the adrenaline begin to fade and I slowly began to watch and observe all that I had to be thankful for. We have had so much fun with the families at this guest house. We now have a very full house and it is wonderful to watch each of the children in different phases of the attachment process. Seeing families awaiting their court date reminds me of just how far we have come over these 9 weeks. It was incredible to skype with Cara before school and be able to say "I'll see you on Thursday."

As I write this I feel like today could have been 10 days rolled into one. I feel like I've grown somehow as we begin to finish this chapter and start the next one. There is a sense of closure and completion that is beautiful. Yet I am careful not to put too much hope in the promise of a Visa on Wednesday. I have to remember that God is still good even if computers fail and flights are rescheduled. It is a future I hope not to walk through, but I can't put my hope in anything I can loose. Circumstances may change, but God is the same yesterday, today and forever. I know I always come back to that, but He is my rock and my fortress. This road would have swallowed me whole long ago if I fixed my eyes on anything but Him.