The Next Unknown

The next Unknown

I just finished a beautiful devotion in a book designed for Moms who have said yes to the Fatherless. It was given to me by a mom who is a few years ahead of me in this process and I am very grateful to have words written that speak directly to this unique and perplex season I am in.

Tonights words spoke of the beautiful moment when you finally get to hold the child you have longed for, prayed for and sacrificed for. Both of your eyes fill with tears but for entirely different reasons. This picture of Isaac and I shows the moment well. I am so overwhelmed with the flood of love and emotions that have been contained for far too long and Isaac is cold and afraid. He doesn’t trust me…yet.

 If I think about the times that God has patiently waited, overflowing with love just waiting for me to trust him and yet I hit the snooze button and make him wait…again. Oh the unbearable season of waiting!  When I think about all that he sacrificed and the depth of love that would bring him to do that, it humbles me. God thinks I am worth it, even when I stand there numb and afraid of the next step. Even when I am so confused by my circumstances I barely remember He is there just waiting to love me. Yet, He waits some more and sacrifices some more because he knows that one day I’ll trust him. I will take his hand and follow him into the next unknown because I have learned that as long as He is guiding me, I will make it through.

Isaac and I recently had that moment. We took him to the beach for the first time. He was utterly confused by what we were describing to him. He could not understand why he was in his swimsuit but we were NOT going to a pool. He never considered there might be somewhere else to swim? How could he know? He was perplexed as he stepped on the sand and the ground underneath him moved. What was this squishy ground that looked like snow (which is what he called it at first) but wasn’t cold? Then Isaac saw the ocean itself and he no longer cared if the ground gave way underneath his weight or not, he just had to get to the water…(then he was momentarily distracted by the cars on the beach, don’t we all have things that appear to distract us right after we’ve had a break through?!)

 Once he finally arrived, Isaac had a love/hate relationship with the water. If he was holding my hand he was thrilled and never wanted to leave the endless splashing. “No bye, bye Mommy, No bye bye!” However, in the moments where he let go or attempted to enter the water alone he would fall and the waves would get deeper than he expected. What once felt safe suddenly was terrifying and he screamed as if the world was ending! That is until he looked up and took my hand. Instantly he would smile and pull me to go just a little father. He could do anything as long as he was holding my hand. He trusted me to get him through this next unknown and I was more than happy to never let go.