Pinch Me!

Did we really book airfare for 3 to Uganda this December?! What a week it has been of planning and preparing.

You did read that right, all 3 of us are going to Uganda. The decision was pretty immediate for Bill when he realized we would be traveling over Cara's 5th birthday, potentially Isaac's birthday AND Christmas. A family needs to be together for these things.

There were other factors in the decision to travel as a family as well. First, Cara is much older now than when we originally expected to travel. She is able to understand much more of this process and she has become very invested in her little brother. We spoke with several families currently in country or recently returned from country that highly recommended bringing children with you to Uganda. One family had traveled twice; once without their kids and once with their kids and they said it was so much easier on their family when the kids (similar in age to Cara) were with them in country.

We are not naive, we understand that this will NOT be a family vacation or relaxing by any definition of the word. We fully expect culture shock, temper tantrums, sleep deprivation, food issues, digestive issues, disappointments and craziness (and that's just what Lauren will experience, LOL) However, this adoption process is guaranteed to rock our world in ways we never saw coming. We might as well go all in right from the start.

We also hope this will help Cara and Isaac understand each other too. Cara is already thinking about how hard it will be to leave some of her favorite comforts behind and I was able to help her make the connection to how hard it will be for Isaac to leave his home behind to live with us. Cara has taken this thought to heart and she is fully engaged in making our home as safe and familiar for him as possible. She has even agreed that we should start cooking Ugandan recipes now to get used to eating with Isaac!

Cara is also old enough now that she might remember this trip as an adult. How wonderful will it be for her to have memories of where her brother came from that they can share together? Being in Uganda might also help Cara understand why Isaac will do some things differently than she does. Going to his world might help her know how to help him adjust to life here, or at least be a little more patient with the process.

We are also seeing an increase in the time families are staying in country. It is becoming less and less predictable to determine when we would be returning home. This would make coordinating life on two continents miserable. While we know our families would bend over backward for us to get Cara to school and take care of her while we are gone, we also know that we are going to need even MORE help when we get home. This way we can call in our favors during our time of greatest need without exhausting everyone we know in the process. Finally, if we are all together in country and they say two more weeks we can just go with the flow and continue working toward bonding as a family.

We promise to continue to keep you all updated as we go :)

Christmas in Uganda

We had always planned to take Cara to Disney World for her 5th birthday. We booked the trip, made our dinning reservations (Christmas Eve in Belle's castle!!). We even talked Nana and Poppy into coming along, but it looks like our plans will be much, much different.

WE ARE FINALLY GOING TO UGANDA!

This week we received word that our court appearance has been scheduled for December 9th. It was actually a mistake but we have been told that they cannot take it back and that all of our paperwork will be ready in time to appear in court. It is also odd to have this much advance notice but we are not being picky. We are thankful for the time to plan and prepare (mentally, emotionally and practically). God doesn't make mistakes and we are trusting that this timing will work out perfectly.

It's not Disney but it's kinda cool to get a brother for your birthday :) and the doctors there estimate that Isaac's birthday is in December as well...birthdays can be a hard time for adopted children because it reminds them of their birth families and a possible future that will forever be unknown to them. My hope is that Isaac will see how God is restoring a potentially painful holiday by giving Isaac his forever family for his 3rd birthday :)

We finally had the privilege of telling Cara about Isaac and showing her his photo. She was very excited to hear this news and commented that "he looks happy" in his photo "it will probably be hard for him to get used to here." She is so wise. Cara immediately started thinking through the things we will need to do to get his room ready.

Cara also commented that "we will have to ask his parents if he can live with us." We explained to her that he is in the care of Ken and Cathy at the orphanage and that they said he would be perfect for us. Cara was pleased to hear this.

I think she is having a hard time wrapping her head around the fact that Isaac is not a baby. "He won't need diapers?", "Nope, but when we reschedule Disney World he might be big enough to ride the rides with you." Her face lit up at this news. Finally a playmate!

Join Me in a Waltz

The tempo is slow. The movement is beautiful but somehow it feels a little like going around in circles.

It's never good when an email is titled "Good News and Bad News".  We finally got some news from Uganda. As you can guess I am currently doing all that I can to focus on the glass being half full. : /

Today our lawyer was able to pick up the probation officers report that we have been waiting over 6 weeks for. YEAH! This is truly a victory and I am praying that God was able to do more than obtain a paper, but I am praying for him to take hold of this officers heart and help him to see what an essential part he plays in this story. Without his help, these children will never have families. What an incredible opportunity he has to be a blessing to many instead of a bump in the process. I am asking God to show him the beauty of adoption, to inspire this man to WANT to do his job with excellence. When I get to Uganda I will find this man and hug him and tell him clearly how much God loves him; not because he completed a report but because he is a child of God, adopted in his own way.

However,it turns out that another report is missing. It's possible this was one step forward and two (or more) steps back. It should have been obtained back in October when they found Isaac. It comes from this same man. We have no idea how long this will set us back, only that "these reports are even MORE difficult to obtain."

1, 2, 3...1, 2, 3

At the moment I am counting to 10. Breathing deeply and remembering that God is always on time. There are two things rushing around my mind right now. One is that cheesy christian poem "Footprints". I don't think it is a part of the original version but somewhere along the way I heard a version where in addition to the hardest times in our lives when we see only one set of footprints in the sand (where it we can be quick to assume God left us alone, but in reality we see one set of prints because God is carrying us through the hard times)...there is also a part of the path where the footprints seem to be in chaos going in every direction and even stepping on top of themselves. "That was when we danced!" Sometimes in the moments that seem the most chaotic and crazy we just need to stop and listen for the music...it's not a chaotic whirlwind at all...it is a beautiful dance, we just have to follow his lead, lean in and go for it.

If for some reason you have never come across the footprints poem...you can read it here :
http://www.footprints-inthe-sand.com/index.php?page=Poem/Poem.php

The second thing rushing around in my mind is actually another song God has given me to encourage me and prepare me for moments like this. It is currently being overplayed on K-Love (sorry about that, but it's probably on so often because I need to hear it so often). It is the song "Glorious Unfolding" by Stephen Curtis Chapman. He is also a father of adopted children. He has also experienced a(n even greater) loss. So for this song to be his perspective on life comes as a great encouragement to me.

                                                            "The Glorious Unfolding"

Lay your head down tonight
Take a rest from the fight
Don’t try to figure it out
Just listen to what I’m whispering to your heart
‘Cause I know this is not
Anything like you thought
The story of your life was gonna be
And it feels like the end has started closing in on you
But it’s just not true
There’s so much of the story that’s still yet to unfold

And this is going to be a glorious unfolding
Just you wait and see and you will be amazed
You’ve just got to believe the story is so far from over
So hold on to every promise God has made to us
And watch this glorious unfolding

God’s plan from the start
For this world and your heart
Has been to show His glory and His grace
Forever revealing the depth and the beauty of
His unfailing Love
And the story has only begun

We were made to run through fields of forever
Singing songs to our Savior and King
So let us remember this life we’re living
Is just the beginning of the beginning

And this is going to be a glorious unfolding
Just you wait and see and you will be amazed
You’ve just got to believe the story is so far from over
So hold on to every promise God has made to us
And watch this glorious unfolding

Welcome to the Waiting

After a month of rushing we have settled back into a season of waiting. It has been six weeks since our last post and we have sat in silence. No movement on our case at all. The waiting is always hard, especially now that the enemy can use the pain of loosing Simon to evoke feelings of anxiousness and fear. It is a daily battle to prevent hoping and dreaming from crossing that fine line into unrealistic expectations that lead to disappointment. On the other end of the spectrum I fight to battle fear and anxiety of this falling through again with the truth that I know this is a path we walk closely with God leading us each step of the way.

Many of you have recently joined us on this journey to adoption. It is always encouraging to share the story of how we came to know that God wanted us to grow our family through adoption. It is also good for me to start back at the beginning and remember that this was not a decision we made but a calling we have felt deep in our hearts. Our goal was to seek out the place of greatest need and that led our hearts to Uganda. We knew going in that this was a risky program. Naively I think I expected God to guide us through it effortlessly anyway. I know each bump in the road, each time we've started back at square one and each beautiful photo has only confirmed what we know in our hearts. God loves all of his children and he has a greater plan than our eyes can see. He will use this for good and looking back it will all make sense. 

These days we seem to be greeted with "Any news?" more often than "hello." Thank you all for waiting along with us. I hope that in some way our story touches you. 

Please pray for a breakthrough in this process. We need a PO report (honestly, I don't even know what that is but I am told that it is essential) and we are having difficulty obtaining ours. We have been led to believe it is a particular individual getting in our way but we know that God is bigger than any one man. More than I want this report I want this mans eyes to be opened up to God's love for him and for these orphans. So please pray that his heart softens and as a result our paperwork is released. Thank you.

The 411

Many of you have asked for a simple update on the process. While for us each step carries something so much deeper than a deadline, I understand that sometimes all people need to continue to pray for us are a few quick details. So here they are:

• We officially signed and notarized our court paperwork on Thursday, May 15th.
• The paperwork arrived in Kentucky (at our adoption agency) the following Monday and was immediately reviewed and rerouted to Uganda.
• We know that the paperwork arrived in Uganda on Monday, May 26th and that it has been filed with the courts.
• Estimation about when we will hear back with a court date varies from 1 week to 5 months. Typically, we will find out the date 2-4 weeks before we are expected to appear in court. 
• In the meantime we had to redo all of our paperwork to allow for the differences between Simon's case and Isaac's case. This meant updating our homestudy (finalized last week) and our immigration papers (mailed out today, expected to have a 2 week turn around).

• The courts in Uganda take a break from July 15th-August 15th. It is likely that our date will not be until after this break, however we have been instructed to have our bags packed just in case (which they aren't, yikes!)
• We will tell Cara AFTER we have a court date.

• Our social worker is visiting the orphanage next week (June 8-15th) and we have sent her with a million questions to ask while she is there, God bless her :)

SIMON UPDATE:

• We have found a way to provide food, clothing and schooling for Simon should he be adopted domestically.
• Call me stubborn, but there is still a part of me that believes the domestic adoption program will not work out and that our phone will ring again and we will say "yes."
• Either way we are so thankful for a chance to love and provide for him for as long as he needs us.

To quote Caraline "Get it? Got it? Good!"

Thank you for your continued prayers.

Constant Learning

I sat at the keyboard this afternoon and took a deep breath. Several actually.

The past month has flow by. I just got back from the post office where I sent out the last remaining bundle of paperwork for Isaac's file. I stopped to take a photo so that one day he will be able to look back and understand that this was not a choice we made quickly or lightly. Signature after signature, both notarized and photocopied, confirm that in every way we want Isaac to join our forever family.

I can barely list all of the meetings, phone calls and forms we have gone through in the past month. One phone call was so lengthy that my car battery died as I sat in a parking lot scribbling notes in the rain. (note to self, turn off your headlights next time).

After our interview with our home study agency, our social worker, Cindy, suggested that we watch a DVD series on Trust Based Parenting for kids with trauma in their early developmental years. Children of adoption can experience the trauma of separation even if the birth mother never holds the child. Those 9 months in the womb mean more than most of us understand. In a situation like ours, her advice was that we prepare for the hardest scenarios and hope for the best.

Since then I have spent most of my free time learning special techniques to help Isaac understand that he is safe in our home and that we will love him forever. It is both terrifying and encouraging to watch the families in these DVD's. When I stop to let it in, I can see how beautifully the story of adoption translates into our spiritual salvation. For some of us we were raised with our faith and it fits us like a comfortable pair of clothes. For others of us the path to God had more dark turns than we even allow ourselves to admit. In these situations trusting God is much harder. We live in fear that he might give up on us, even though he says over and over in his word that he won't.

One moment in the DVD series continues to sit with me.  The scenario is as simple as a mother telling her daughter it is time to leave the playground. For this little girl whose entire life has felt out of control, control is her connection to life itself. (How hard of a stretch is that for me to see in my own life. The times where I cannot control this journey have been the most difficult for me, and eventually the most rewarding when I release control and trust God with the details.) As you watch the scene unfold you can see in this beautiful little girls face, posture, and tone of voice the battle that is going on inside of her. "I don't want to leave this playground, but my mom knows what is best for me, but I don't want to leave this playground." The battle between what I WANT and what is BEST is all to familiar for me. God thank you for never giving up on me. Thank you for reminding me over and over that there is a plan even when I don't understand it. Thank you for helping me to "leave the playground" when I am not ready yet and trust that you will guide me safely where I need to go.

I am so thankful for the wisdom that surrounds us. For friends online who have literally been there (to our orphanage on their own journey) to local friends who will speak truth to us as needed and validate our decisions when we need them to. I am so thankful for all of the education we have access to that will help us be the best possible parents to Isaac.

I realize that just as the parenting books I read in preparation for giving birth could never truly prepare me for the unique experience we had bringing our daughter into this world, these resources too can only paint a picture of what could be. I know that no amount of studying is going to make me the perfect mom but I also know I'd be foolish to not use this time to the best of my ability.

Please pray for us as we learn to walk on this new journey. There will be a million moments where we will have to look at what is best for Caraline and what is best for Isaac (which will often be different) and find some way to live in between. Pray for Cara as she adjusts to sharing her world with her brother. Pray for Isaac, that God would prepare him for our family and that his attachment process would go smoothly.

Chapter 3

I barely even know how to begin this blog post. The past 24 hours have been a whirlwind of emails, paperwork and phone calls. However, I have never been more happy to be overwhelmed. All this business has brought us our Issac, literally.

You may recall from my last post that I have been leaning heavily on the story of Abraham and his unwavering hope in the Lord's promise. God eventually sent Abraham a son and they named him Issac, which means "laughter." Apparently, God still has a since of humor because after the phone rang on Wednesday morning I too was looking a story that included a beautiful little boy named Issac. 

We are still waiting to hear from doctors and lawyers but we may have a travel timeline soon. As I poured over Issac's file I was overwhelmed by how much of his story is filled with the word "unknown." It was hand written over and over again on forms with questions that he will have to live his whole live without knowing the answers to. So far the world has labeled our son "unknown" but I believe that God wants to tell him that he is "known" and loved and I can't wait to be the one to teach him everyday just how much God loves him..

This has been hard because it the first time we have had to make a move that leads us away from Simon. The door has been slammed in our face many times, but we have always remained steadfast waiting on God before we move. It appears now that we have a new opportunity before us and it is hard to say goodbye. 

Our door will always be open to Simon should he ever need us. We are actually looking into ways that we can support Simon, wherever God leads him. For now though, we cannot ignore the little boy before us.

We officially signed the papers committing to Issac last night and we are now in a rush to update our home study (doctors visits, financial statements, interviews and inspections) as well as our immigration paperwork. We need to have all of this finalized in the next 4 weeks. It typically takes at least 6 weeks for the immigration papers alone. So please pray for a smooth and speedy process without any paperwork errors :)

Also, please note. WE ARE NOT TELLING CARA. While we trust God completely, we have learned from our past experiences and we feel that it is best that we keep this a secret until we know for a fact the court has accepted our case and assigned us a trial date. 

We cannot post his photos online but if you see us in person we'd be happy to show off his beautiful smile.