He is Already Making Me Laugh

Today we got another medical update on Isaac. We were thrilled to see that his weight was back up around normal for him. I was also pleased to see that the nannies had taken the time to write a rather detailed report this time. It noted that when he is in the right mood he can recite the alphabet (something to celebrate!) but my favorite part by far was this:

"A couple of times his nanny has showed him pictures of his adoptive family and he seems excited, Isaac looks in to his book and can identify Cara, Dad and mom;   apparently every girl child on television has become’ Cara’. He runs to call his teacher to come see Cara on television."

Priceless :)

Also, who knew the had a television?

We also got a generic report this week that let us know the orphanage had thrown a birthday party for all of the kids. (Did I share this already?) They had a huge cake donated from a local baker. It looked like a pretty great party. 

So Isaac has watched too much TV and had too much cake. He might be more ready for America than we think ;)

The Healing Process

Recently I had the privileged to visit a friend who was in the hospital. She had an infection in her knee that had come on suddenly and caused a great deal of pain. Once the doctors stabilized her and began a course of treatment they were confident in, she began to feel better. However, the next day the doctors placed a heating pad on her knee to increase blood flow and allow the infection to clear out of her knee. This process was so painful my friend could barely stand it. It was awful to watch her feel that way but the doctors assured her it was part of her recovery.

I have been thinking about Isaac and the fact that he has already gone through so much to be where he is. He is safe. I am so thankful that he is being cared for and loved at the orphanage. I am so thankful that he has seen our picture and knows we are coming soon. However, the next phase of his healing will hurt more than it feels like it's helping. Leaving the safety of the orphanage will be traumatizing to him. I hate that in order for him to finally be home means more loss for him. Sometimes the healing process hurts. Sometimes you have to break a bone in order to set it straight. Sometimes you have clean the wound with chemicals that sting in order for healing to begin. Sometimes in order to come home you have to leave all that is familiar and everything and everyone you have ever known. This feels so unfair. However, just like a doctor that is setting a bone or curing an infection, I have to move forward with confidence that while my current actions may cause more pain than Isaac has ever known, they are his only chance at a healthy future.

It hurts knowing that it will get harder before it gets better. It hurts knowing that the need for adoption only exists because something has gone terribly wrong in Isaac's life. My heart breaks for you my sweet, sweet boy but please know that from now on you will never cry alone. With each step we take we will be right by your side. We will do all that we can to comfort you when you are scared and to earn your trust. We will be patient with you as you struggle to find safety again. We will hold you, if you let us, while the emotions overtake you. We will never give up and one day we will begin again, together, to walk toward healing, hope and the future you deserve.

Nwkagala. (I love you)

Celebrating Faithfulness

This past Sunday our parents and our church threw us a shower for Isaac and the orphanage. It was a beautiful day and we are so thankful for all of the little outfits and gift cards we received. They will make our first few months at home much smoother.

I wanted to share here what I shared that day.

I am so thankful that so many people made time to come and celebrate with us. I know all of you and I know that many of you are facing great battles. From cancer to infertility to planning a marriage or new careers, there are many things we are all trusting God with right now. For me, Sunday (& the shower) was a day where we got to celebrate a God that is faithful to complete the works that he starts in us (Philippians 1:6). I serve a God that leads us to things bigger than ourselves. We could not have taken a step on this journey without him and we know that he used all of you from the first pancake breakfast to the moments when we needed a shoulder to cry on. Thank you all for being there for us every step of the way.

Here are some photos from the day. I am so glad we will have these to show Isaac all of the love and support he has in his new forever family and friends.

Leez

Lately I have been flashing back to this past summer in the Dominican Republic. I remember afternoons where we were flooded with children eager for some fun, a snack and hopefully a message that brings hope. I remember one afternoon specifically where I was sitting with a group of 10-12 kids around age 7. Our goal was to make a craft about a sheep. However, we had many more kids arrive that day than anticipated so only half of my group had pictures of sheep on their page. The others had blank paper. I remember sitting there looking at their smiling but frustrated faces as they looked to me to tell them what to do with a blank piece of paper and some cotton balls. I gestured for them to draw the sheep on their papers. Nothing. I picked up a marker and mimicked what I wanted them to do. Still nothing. I looked around for someone that spoke Spanish to help but all the translators were busy. I have never wanted to speak Spanish more than I did in that moment. The grace these children extended to me was far more than I deserved but by the end of the day everyone left with a sheep. I ended up using my talents as an artist to bridge the language barrier that existed between us.

I think about that day because Isaac doesn't speak English. I'm not sure how far we'll get in the bonding process if I just keep drawing sheep.

I reached out to a friend and she sent me a packet of Luganda words with pictures. It didn't take me long to realize I was going to need help. On a whim I sent an email to an organization that I have volunteered with in the past. A few years ago there were some Ugandan interns serving there that I had the pleasure to get to know. I knew that they had since moved on, but my hope was that someone new had come.

A few days later I received an email with great news. "My wife, Allison can help you with that. She has an intern here from Uganda." A few weeks passed before we were able to set up a time to meet. This past Monday, Bill and I drove down to Urban Promise to meet Leez. I knew nothing about her other than that she was willing to help.

It was another one of those moments where you are hugging before you are even introduced. Leez welcomed us with a warm smile and a huge heart. As we sat down we asked Leez how long she had been here. "Six weeks." That means that when I sent my first email Leez had been on US soil for about a week, maybe two. God's timing is perfect.

"Where are you from in Uganda?" - "Mukono"...this is the EXACT village where we are staying. We mentioned our hotel and Leez spoke very warmly of the woman that runs the ministry there. She immediately started mentioning friends that would host us and help with our transition. I can't wait to meet them.

"How long are you here?" - "Two years."  If you could have been inside my head at that moment. She said "Please don't hesitate to ask. For me I believe it's God that caused us to meet. I am humbled to be of whatever help you will need. I am here, thank God till 2016. I will be here in Camden whenever you need me, God willing." 

That was just the first 5 min of our time together. Leez continued to go over every word in our packet with us. She also wrote down things she though Isaac might already know. Phrases that would help us to calm him when he was scared. I cried when she taught me "Ndi maama wo"...."I am your mother." and "nwkagala"..."I love you."

I know I won't be able to get out those words when we first meet but it won't be because I haven't learned them. God is so good. So good. 

Lauren & Leez, November 10, 2014

When it All Happens at Once

In the not too distant past it was possible to go an entire day in our home without saying the word "Uganda." Over the past 4 years we have watched as God continued to blend our hearts and our lives with this beautiful country. For a long time now it has been a part of us. I am not sure how I can feel so entirely at home with a place I've never physically been. However, there is no denying the rush of emotions that come when we talk about Uganda.

In the past few weeks it has been hard to go an hour without saying "Uganda", "Isaac", "Ugi" (our nickname for our adoptive son before we were matched -it stuck), or "adoption". It has become even more fun as we watch this process becoming real for all of you. We are now asked on a daily basis "Can we get together before you leave?" or "are you getting excited?"  Our bags are literally already packed. I have been planning this trip for months (years). Our final days are full, but balanced. I have been careful to protect our time so that we don't leave on this journey already burnt out. I am a people pleaser by nature, but saying "no thank you" or "I wish we could," has had to be come a regular thing. Leaving space to treasure these last days is important. We could not be more thankful for all the support we have received from friends and family. Thank you.

As this adoption blends more and more with our daily lives it's hard to sort out the "significant" moments to blog about. It's just our life now. Everyday is full of picking up something at the store or preparing one last thing. Monday I spent a good portion of the day cleaning and sanitizing the turtle tank so that Cruiser will be okay in our absence. Is that noteworthy? Probably not, but it's all a part of preparing for the next step in this journey.

I did wonder what the check out lady at Wal-Mart thought the day I purchased all this:

I have been incredibly thankful for my husband who has been handling all of the paperwork. Do you have any idea how many forms it takes to adopt a child? They are all titled some combination of letters and numbers that makes my head spin. I could not be more greatful for Bill as he takes on this challenge. This has been the scene in our dinning room for weeks:

Another truly beautiful thing that has happened this past month is something I have my father to thank for. My Dad's boss, Erik, has an adopted son and Erik recently started a support group for adoptive fathers that meets once a month on Thursday evenings at Panera. This dad's group was birthed out of a support group for families that Bill and I have attended a few times. Even though my dad is not an adoptive father, he has questions, frustrations, and a desire to love Isaac like his own. My dad has been welcomed into this support group with open arms. After the first meeting he attended, my dad called Bill and his dad and invited them to join this support group too. Sure enough October's support group hosted 3 men all dedicated to loving one sweet boy, Isaac. I'm not sure Erik new what he was getting himself into when he told my dad he could come to a meeting, but I am so thankful for these men and their willingness to be open about this process. When I told my social worker about it, she cried. 

This month we also survived vaccination day. I picked up Cara from school and after a few brief tears (and a cupcake) she was ready to be brave for her brother. Our doctor was great and took the time to explain to all three of us the risks of travel and precautions we could take to stay healthy (it always helps when Cara hears these things from someone other than me. She still tries new foods because Dr. Niedswicki told her she needed to try at least one bite if it was something she had never had before.). Nearly $2,000 later all three of us were covered in glittery band aids and full vaccinated. Then we headed off to Friendly's and Cara enjoyed the sweet reward of being brave. Ice cream fixes just about anything.

 We also found out last week that 6 more children from our orphanage have been matched! This must have been beautiful news for these families. After experiencing the wait and the longing to connect with our child we quickly offered to bring care packages from these families to their little ones waiting in Uganda. I also hope to be able to take videos and photos of these kids for their families. These things are so rare and precious for adoptive families. Ken and Cathy recently sent us a picture of Isaac holding the lion we sent him and it brought us such great joy. I cannot wait to do this for other families.

It is hard to believe that we will actually be there soon. We are savoring these precious moments. Bill and I took one last date day in NYC last week and simply enjoyed walking together through our favorite city sampling from restaurants along the way. Over the weekend I snuggled with Cara during nap time and thanked God for everyday that I have had the privilege of being her mom. It's easy to long for what's next and miss what is now. We are asking God to lead us on this journey with our eyes wide open. I don't want to miss a thing.

There Are Not Enough Words

This morning started out a little cranky. I bit my tongue as not one, not two but three different cars felt the need to block the road in their own unique way on my way to and from preschool drop off this morning. I confess, the things I thought in my head were not very nice.

I knew I needed a pick me up. A hot cup of coffee, some time in Gods word or perhaps just get back in bed and try again after a quick power nap (at 8:30 am). As it turns out, checking my email was just the thing. I had an email from Ken :)

We have been waiting to hear from Ken about how we can make Christmas special at the orphanage this year. The email had some examples of a few murals they want me to paint. Check it out:

I cannot wait to get some color on the walls at the new orphanage. It is going to be a really fun way for me to keep our family busy between appointments in Uganda. 

However, that was no the best part of Ken's email. He has been back in Uganda for about a week. He has given Isaac the photobooks we sent and the nannies have been reading them to him. Ken said that last night Isaac said his sisters name in his sleep. "He is looking forward to seeing you I believe!"- Ken said in his email.

HE KNOWS WHO WE ARE!!!  HE SAID CARA'S NAME!!

What I wouldn't give to know what he was dreaming about. I wonder if it is the same dream I have been having where they two of them are jumping on the bed in the hotel and laughing together. I pretty much spent the rest of the day over the moon about my sweet little boy. There are not enough words to describe what a beautiful moment that was for me. Somehow God is speaking to his sweet little heart and helping him to understand that he is coming HOME.

The Last Trimester

It is funny how similar preparing for adoption is to preparing for your child's birth. In your heart, it's exactly the same. You wonder things like "I hope he is gaining weight." and "I hope he likes his room."

In the past week I have thought to myself "I wonder how long it will be until he sleeps soundly through the night," and "I can't wait to see his face when he tries new foods."

Tonight I started packing (just like when you prepare the bag for the hospital weeks before you'll actually need it). Here is the outfit Isaac will wear home:

I have all of Cara and Isaac's clothes packed already and a list of things I don't want to forget that is growing longer every minute: first words book, headlamps for when the power goes out, a thermometer just in case anyone gets a fever, bedtime stories about adoption...

ANSWERED PRAYER:

• This past week we received word that we officially have the Care Order we have been waiting on from the parole officer. It was the first time I've ever seen the words "Good News!" as the title in an email from our social worker LOL. Relief flooded my body. Silent tears streamed down my face as I thought "now there is nothing between me and my son but time." 
• We found quality suitcases for $14!
• Ken received our photobooks and stuffed lion for Isaac. He will have them very soon!

Things are getting real as we do things like check with the health insurance company to determine our coverage overseas, email Ken directly to plan service projects we can do at the orphanage (I'm painting murals!!), and collect donations of toothbrushes and things for the kids there. 

We are also doing normal things like celebrating Bill's birthday and picking out Halloween costumes (she's going to be Olaf!). It kind of feels like living six months of life in the time it takes to live two. I feel like I should have so much more to say in this post.

Mostly I am just thankful. There have been countless times over the past few weeks where I have thought to myself "I am the happiest I have ever been" and then I think about the fact that I have a new little person to love and my heart can barely take it all in at once. Cara and I often find ourselves busting out laughing those deep belly laughs and then we lock eyes and just savor the moment. Bill and I have been so busy but there have also been so many moments where we just hug one another, take a deep breath and enjoy the embrace. I write about these moments because I know I will need to hang onto them soon. I know they will soon feel like a very distant memory. As I watched friends of ours bounce their new baby girl and attempt to rock her to sleep (while she just wasn't having it) I remembered someone telling me that the first 8 weeks of having a newborn are like boot camp. If you can survive it, you'll be stronger than ever. I know that our season is coming, but just like preparing for labor and having a newborn baby, there is fear, excitement and exhaustion all at once. I can't wait and I am terrified in the same moment. I feel totally ill equipped to handle this next step, but then I look at my team. The best husband and father I have ever known and the most compassionate and smart little girl on the planet. Then I look to the coach (God). He has called us all up into the majors but I know that if we fix our eyes on him and follow his call(s) we can knock this one out of the park and storm the field as a family.

57days!