Today was our last day at the babies home. Even with all the time that has passed it seems odd to be at this day already. How do you begin to express your gratitude toward a family of people who has stood in the gap for your child? They have nursed him back to health and loved him as their own for over a year now. Words failed me as I prepared to begin our goodbye.
The day was beautiful and we spent time playing with the kids and checking on the babies as always. We made sure to take a lot of pictures just in-case we missed something along the way. Isaac enjoyed lunch with his friends and eating with his hands again (we have been working on using a fork).
Ken and Cathy purchased a cake that said "We will Miss You" and had a special time with all the children to celebrate Isaac's adoption. At the count of three Isaac and his nanny, Miriam, cut the cake together, similar to how we do it at weddings, and everyone cheered. The staff said some very kind words and thanked us for sharing time with them. I was overwhelmed with emotion and tears (for the second time that day...okay third). I am so thankful. It was hard watching the staff become emotional as well, although they hid it much better than I did. The reality is that while we celebrate the good, adoption is actually a story of great loss.
It will be hard to explain to Isaac one day why we felt it would be better for him to leave everything he has come to know and love to join us in a land totally foreign to him. Many people think "He should be grateful to have such a loving and wonderful family adopt him" and while there is some truth to that, no one should have to be grateful for loosing their birth family, their culture, and their way of life.
I am so thankful for the time we have had in Uganda to earn Isaac's trust and to love him unconditionally. I am in awe of the way God has guided this process in country and of the incredible progress we have seen Isaac make verbally and socially in such a short time. I hope one day that God allows Isaac to see His hand in all this and that Isaac will be able to trust God to redeem the pain of his past.
I too had to grieve a loss today as we said goodbye to Simon. I too have loved a child for more than a year and have had to say goodbye. Perhaps this is why I cried so hard for the nannies. It is impossible to love someone so completely and then watch them walk away toward a future you have no control over. All you can do is remember that God has a plan for their life, a plan to give them hope and a future. The truths about God apply not only to my life, but to Simon's as well.
It has been so wonderful to get to know him and love on him during our time here. I was unsure if it would feel like torture but I knew God would carry me through and He has. Simon is a sweet boy. He is quiet but there is always a look of mischief in his eyes. He often wanders off to somewhere he shouldn't be and entertains himself there. There have been many a day when we have arrived (or left) to Simon climbing the railings in the window by his bed (which was next to Isaac's). We have often found him wandering into the office just to see which drawers he could open or who he might find there. The staff would polietly send him on his way and he would contenteldy go find trouble elsewhere.
Simon still sucks his middle two fingers like he was doing in the first photos we received of him when he was one. He loves to be tickeled and asks for more as soon as you stop. He snuggles sweetly in your lap and is content to let you carry him around but is equally content to be put down and left alone. There were many times when I would see him smile and come running to wrap both arms around my legs and hug tight. There were also many times when he walked idly by me without mention.
Like most of the kids at the orphanage, Simon loved having his picture taken and then looking to see his own face. He often made a game of it with me.
Today I watched and Isaac and Simon palled around together. Several times I saw them both climbing on Bill or sharing his lap. These were times when I needed to walk away and hand my broken heart to God. "Lean not on your own understanding, but in all your ways acknowledge him and He will make your paths straight." These were moments when my own understanding failed me.
Simon was scheduled to leave for another permanent facility before we arrived. They never came to get him. I'm not sure which paperwork got delayed or who failed to come back to work after holiday, but I know God used it so that Bill and I could share this time with Simon. It is a wound that many never fully heal but a scar I am thankful to bare.
As we drove away today and Isaac snuggled into my lap saying "bye bye Mom Mum Mum (Mamma Mariam) bye bye" I thanked God for our story. I thanked God for his sovereignty and I asked God to guide our future. I didn't know what else to do.
Sometimes the things God calls us to are hard but it is often the hardest things that turn out the best.
No comments:
Post a Comment