A 'Tenderheart' Moment

Many people have been asking us lately if there have been any updates with our adoption. After many question filled emails to our agency and back I can finally say yes, we have an update. We are now family #5 on the waiting list (we started at #8). Our standing was unclear for a while because many families on the list were beginning to consider children outside of the Uganda program but they won't officially take them off our waiting list until things are finalized within the other program (for good reason because two of the families were matched and then had birth mothers change their mind).

The family that was matched from our orphanage in December received their court date: April 17th. This falls exactly within the anticipated 4 month wait between being matched and traveling for your court hearing. We are watching this family closely because there have been many changes to the Uganda program over the past year and this family is the first to travel under the new timeline of documentation. I am very curious to see how long it takes them to travel home after their court date. Previous families have been told to expect at least 6 weeks, but this new timeline may bring them home faster. We'll see.

We are also in the process of redoing our home study, abuse clearances and fingerprinting. The other complication of a long wait is that formal documentation expires :( We had our reinspection on Thursday, March 28th and everything seems to be coming together with our approvals and documentation. Yipee!

So how have we been?

Waiting is never fun, but I continue to remind myself that we are waiting on God and not on the government, the paperwork, or the orphanage. It is easy to get frustrated by the process. It's unorganized and unpredictable. But through it all we know that God is faithful.

Several weeks ago I was driving to my friend Lisa's house to pick up something and I became overwhelmed with emotion. I said out loud to myself and God "this is an unexpected tender hearted moment" and then I began to cry harder because without meaning to, I had spoken the name of our orphanage (Tenderheart) and it made me miss our son even more. What was getting me choked up was the beauty of the friendship between Lisa's daughters. I had just gotten done showing Cara a video of the girls playing ball together. They are at an amazing age right now. They know a few words but mostly all you hear from them are squeaks and giggles. Watching Natalie and Noelle play together is absolutely priceless. They make each other laugh constantly. Cara adores them. Her favorite thing to do is pretend to chase them and then say "tickle, tickle, tickle" because it makes them laugh so hard. There was a part of my heart that was breaking in that moment because I so long for Cara to have a sibling of her own to laugh with like they do. Whenever she plays with other children Cara is her happiest. She has been so patient as she tells anyone who will listen that she is going to have a brother soon.

She collects things around the house and sets them aside for Ugi. She is planning a trip to Disney World for him (not that she's even been but she tells me she thinks he will love it). There is a growing mountain of stuffed animals, blankets, and special things in his crib. She tried to convince me that he would like her pink socks that don't fit anymore but I told her we could splurge to get him boy socks. LOL.

I have to remind myself that in the end this part of the journey will seem like a small blip in the timeline. The same way the 9 months of pregnancy can feel long and then all the sudden this little person is in your life and you're thinking "where did they come from?" Cara will not be alone forever. She's getting the exact brother God has planned for her and one day our house will be full of their laughter (and probably a few arguments...lets just be honest)

I often feel humbled that God would consider us up for the task of raising children, let alone raising children who come to us with a broken heart. The grief process for orphans is very real even if their mother never held them. They know that something is missing they just can't identify what. Children lucky enough to find themselves in an orphanage like Tenderheart are additionally burdened by having to part from their caretakers and 'brothers' and 'sisters' at the orphanage. Can you imagine growing up with a group of children, feeling like a family, and not understanding why you were taken from them? Thankfully, God is also a God of the brokenhearted. He promises to draw near to us and to bring the peace, comfort, and love that only He can.

Over and over again in scripture we see God looking out for the orphan. In Deuteronomy he commands the farmers not to pick their fields clean, but to leave behind grain for the foreigner, the orphan and the widow. In James 1:27 it says "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after oprhans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." In Psalm 146:9 it says "The Lord watches over the foreigner and sustains the fatherless and the widow..." Countless times we see God hold cities accountable for mistreating their orphans and widows. He promises to hear their cries and defend them (traditionally a family is defended by the head of the household, the father...) God steps in for the fatherless and he is using us to do that. I am humbled everyday at the thought that we are a part of God's story for Ugi and he is a huge part of God's story for us! I never feel up for the task, but I know that not a single step on this journey has happened apart from God and God will continue to provide everything we need for each step of the way from patience and wisdom to practical needs. I am so thankful for a God that is bigger than me. We could not do this without him!

Overdue

There are a lot of thoughts buzzing around my head today so I apologize in advance if this blog is not my best.

The last time I sat down to write I spent nearly two hours adding pictures and updates. Once I was finished I went to spell check myself (because it's me we're talking about) and for whatever reason, everything got deleted.

So this post is long overdue.

If you haven't heard we are now #5 on the waiting list. They were able to find a home for Joan (a baby girl born blind) which is a huge praise. We also had one family put their adoption on hold due to a pregnancy of their own (here's hoping that was good news for them!). So that brings us to #5. We received an email last week saying that they hope to make a few more matches over the next few months.

In the meantime we have managed to connect with other NJ families looking to adopt from Africa. It's very comforting to hear that there are other families on this journey as well. It really normalizes things to hear other Moms share their experiences with delays and documentation errors. You can begin to think that it's your fault or that there must be more we should be doing. Having other families to check in with is great. It's also encouraging to know that there will be families that look like ours not too far away.

Almost every time I go out with Cara someone stops to tell me that we look just like each other. It hit me today while Cara and I were on a lunch date with friends when someone stopped to ask "Is that your daughter? She looks just like you!" - How will Ugi feel when he hears that? I have to trust that God will speak to his heart and help him to understand what an essential part of our family he is. I also have to remember to have a good attitude and use those moments as an opportunity to explain the beauty of adoption and how God brought our family together.

When we got married it helped me to understand God's love in a new way. It helped me to see how selfish I was and how amazing it can be to run the marathon of life with a committed partner by your side. When we had Cara I learned how instantly love can happen and how deep the bond can be between parent and child. Again I learned how selfish I was and how rewarding it can be when we begin to put others needs before our own. The world is so much more wonderful when it isn't all about me! I also began to see my faith in a whole new way through my child's eyes. Everything and everyone in the world is beautiful and valuable to her. She is never in a rush and her heart longs to spend time with those she loves (especially her friends). As we seek to bring our son home I am continuing to learn God's heart for those he loves. The way he waits patiently for us to come to him. The deep love he has for those that don't even know him yet. The beauty of taking a life lost and adopting it into your family permanently. I am sure this is just the start of many things that God plans to teach us through our adoption process. I also know that the waiting is actually the easiest part and process of bonding that is before us is sure to break my heart in a thousand ways. It will be a roller coaster of moments that take our breath away and moments where we just want to scream. But it will be worth it, so worth it.

 I keep reading in scripture about all the ways that God's people walk away from him, forget him, or out and out reject him for something perceived to be better. I am sure there will be days when, like God, we will have to fight hard to prove our love to our child(ren). I am sure there will be days when Ugi wonders why things didn't turn out another way for him, and he might wonder if another path was better. When we read the bible and see people doubting God it's like "come on you idiots he just rescued you again! He has given you everything you need. Why would you doubt him now?" But we all do it every day. We struggle to control things. We think we have a better way. We get lost in unrealistic expectations and then blame God when it doesn't work out like we planned. From our (Bill and Mine) perspective this adoption is planned and purposeful, but for Ugi there will always be a part of him that can't see that side of things. Above all else I just hope Ugi knows he is loved (and isn't that God's message to us?)