There was a delay in posting this because we wanted to tell as many people as we could in person, but here is what I wrote on the night we signed the papers to officially accept the referral for Simon:
We are a Family of 4
There is one hour left of June 13, 2013 and I decided I
needed to use it to write about the past 7 hours because they will define how
the next several years of our life go.
Today we made the decision to adopt Simon Peter.
We received our referral somewhere between 4pm and 5pm on
Monday. I was sitting in my car the driveway of Grandma and Yo-Pop’s house in
the rain. I checked my phone one last time to see if Bill had called and I happened
to notice an email: Referral #2. I glanced
down and saw Referral and immediately started reading. I got about as far as
“it’s finally your turn. His name is Simon” when I saw a tiny head coming
toward my car in the rain. There was Caraline with no shoes headed out to greet
me (isn’t she the best!). I jumped out of the car and swooped her up and back
onto the porch out of the rain. Grandma came out and I began to tell her about
the email referral.
I’m not even exactly sure what Grandma started to tell me; all
I was focused on was finding a computer so I could see the first photos of my
son.
I struggled to get the files to open on their laptop amidst
questions from Yo-Pop and having Uncle Topher over my shoulder. Grandma was still
excited about all the fun they had earlier in the day. Cara had almost given up
on gaining my attention and started pulling out Polly Pockets to show me. I
tried calling Bill several times without success. It seemed like everything was happening at
once!
As I was scanning the initial paperwork the house phone rang
and it was Bill calling back in disbelief. He couldn’t get the files to open on
his computer at home (he had made it home from work while I was on the road to
get Cara). Eventually I decided just to
take Cara and head home to see Bill so we could enjoy this together.
I called my mom on the way home and even though I was
incredibly sick she was able to detect the joy in my tone of voice. “You sound
awful chipper for someone who is sick? How are you feeling?” I responded with
“There’s a good reason, we have a baby boy!” There was immediate joy in her
voice. I told her everything I knew and that I was racing home to see Bill.
At some point on the drive home I called Cindy our social
worker to tell her the news. She was headed out to vacation but was so glad we
caught her.
We came home to big hugs. Cara was hungry so we quick fixed
her some chicken and talked over what we knew. I forwarded the paperwork to
CHOP and we waited to hear what was next.
We called Uncle Adam and had Cara tell him the news. We also
called Aunt Katie but Cara was done with announcements at that point so Bill
had to fill her in on the news. We wanted to make sure all the siblings knew
since Uncle Topher had been around when I opened the email.
Tuesday we got an email from CHOP saying one of the doctors
would be contacting us to schedule a phone conference. They also immediately
called for our billing information but we did not hear anything else for the
remainder of the day…
I must have looked at Simon’s picture a million times that
day.
Wednesday we didn’t hear much of anything either. Around 1pm
we got an email saying that Dr. Friedman would call us on Thursday at 4pm. We
had a conference call at 3pm with Lisa, the social worker who matched us. She
wasn’t able to tell us much more about Simon then was in the paperwork. We
talked through some details about the court system being closed for July and
how the judges were changing so she wasn’t exactly in a rush for us to be the
first ones on their desk after break.
As we went to bed that night I said to Bill, I wonder if God
is holding off the doctor’s call because he wants us to know unconditionally
that we want Simon. We were nervous about some gaps in his medical history but
both of us were feeling confident that we wanted to move forward.
By the time 4pm Thursday came we didn’t really need to hear
what the doctor had to say. I was so distracted thinking about Simon that I
missed the entrance to 295 and wasn’t home in time to take the call. Dr.
Friedman totally understood and agreed to call again in a few moments. (Apparently
doctors don’t like to talk to clients on their cell phones while they are
driving...imagine that!)
The phone conference was very informative. She basically
said that there are a lot of things he hasn’t been tested for yet that he could
have but that all the things we did know were good. We did find out that much
of his growth statistics are right in the normal range – a fact that is pretty
atypical of children raised in orphanages!
He seems to be doing well even in his circumstances.
I must also say that I had prepared Cara for the fact that
mommy would have a very long phone call and that I would not be able to stop
and talk with her or answer any questions. She kept saying “but if I tell you
to stop on the phone you’ll stop right”…”no mommy can’t stop”… “oh, bummer”…
then she would try again from another angle. When we were running late for the
first call and Dr. Friedman said she would call back Cara was like “that wasn’t
very long at all, yeah!” I hated breaking the news that she was calling back in
10 min… LOL.
While I was on the phone Cara got herself a banana and
played on the iPad. She was so great. Bill walked through the door about 45 min
in and Cara announced “mommy is on the phone and we can’t talk to her.” Later she was even more discouraged when she
realized that mommy and daddy were then going to talk about the phone call for
the next hour. She kept trying to share information about what the dog was
doing, what the characters on the pages of her book were doing “look mommy
she’s drinking green tea on a purple lap top” We assured her that we had heard
her but that we needed to talk about much more important things and interruptions
would only make it take longer.
She said she was hungry and being the A+ mom that I am I
said to her “Cara you are much more capable then you are claiming to be right
now, please go in the fridge and fix yourself any snack that you are capable of
putting together” Not one to miss an opportunity, Cara made herself blueberry
waffles for dinner with extra butter (she came by to show me that she did the
butter herself and that there had to be a lot…at the moment I didn’t’ care,
looking back all I can do is laugh).
As Bill and discussed the doctor’s call, I sat on the floor
and played devil’s advocate. We both knew at this point that we were going to
sign the papers but I wanted to hear Bill’s answers to the hard questions. What
if the tests the doctor has asked for reveal a terminal illness? What kind of impact could his possible health
issues have on Cara? Is it really
something we can prevent or do we just need to surrender control? People won’t
understand…etc.
Finally Bill said “we just have to surrender the details. If
this was about us and our comfort I would have given up a year and a half ago
when I saw how painful it was for you to wait for him. This is something God
has asked us to do and we need to do it. This is the child we have been placed
with and we need to do it.” I have never loved him more. Thank God I married a
man who will do the right thing even if it is the most gut wrenching decision.
“Print it out let’s sign it right now.”
This would be the point in the night where I couldn’t stop
crying.
We went up to the third floor as a family and got the
printed contract. I was crying so hard I couldn’t see the buttons to push on
the printer. Cara kept saying “I want to
draw too, where can I write? I want to write something to send to Uganda.” We
told her that she could write another letter and we would send it to Ugi
/Simon. (Cara then proceeded to spend
the rest of the night mailing pretend letters to “pretend Uganda” – Could she
be more awesome?)
On the way upstairs I stopped by our bedroom to get a tissue
because I was crying. Cara, never one to miss a beat, watched me walk out of
the room with one tissue and knew this would not be enough. All on her own she
went back in my bedroom and grabbed the tissue box. Several minutes later when
I asked her to run and get me one from the playroom she pointed out that she
had already put an entire box next to my feet for me to use. Priceless!
We then came downstairs and emailed the signed contract to
the adoption agency.
We spent the rest of the night texting friends, calling
family and trying to get our friends all together in one place. Every so often
we would grab Cara and do a “you’re a big sister” dance or tickle fest. I
randomly kept announcing to the room that we are a family of 4 now.
At one point I got out last year’s calendar to see what we
were doing on the day that Simon was born (May 17, 2012). I have written all of
our activities on the calendar since Cara was little. The entire month of May
was full of notations, arrows, drawings and details of our lives. May 17th
was right in the middle and entirely blank. It stood out like a sore thumb. God
knew we would need to go back and fill in the details of that day. It now says
in bold purple letters: “Simon was born.”
We also realized (thanks to my mom) that we will be telling
the entire church the upcoming Sunday which is Father’s Day (that much we had
thought through). My mom also pointed out that we got married on Father’s Day. What an awesome time of year! J
Then we looked up what the name Simon means. It means “God
has heard”…yeah he did!
“Peter” means Rock (on which God built his church) and
Simon’s last name “Ainebyona” means “one to whom much has been given”. Simon Peter was the only disciple bold enough
to get out of the boat and walk on water with Jesus. As Pastor Paul said “his
name is stacked!”
We printed out his picture and closed out the night by
putting it on our refrigerator right in the middle of all the family photos.
I know it’s different than going into the delivery room but
even as I sit here crying and typing I am overwhelmed at how in an instant our
family has grown again. Yesterday we had the anticipation, we thought today
might be it, but tonight something happened and it became official. All 3 of us
together, standing around a piece of paper and signing our names (or in Cara’s
case begging to write her name), we became a family of 4 and Simon will never
be alone again.
There is still a long road ahead. There is potential for
disaster in more ways that we are probably aware of. It may only get harder but
I know now more than ever that God’s signature is all over this story and I am
so glad to be a part of it. He is in every detail and I wouldn’t change a
thing.
