Hope Heals the Heartbreak

The old saying "When God closes a door he opens a window" is really annoying to hear when you're going through the pain of loosing an opportunity your heart longed for. For the record so is "God has a plan" and all the other sayings that are absolutely true, but can feel really hurtful in the wrong moment. Thankfully, no one said those things to us when we experienced our first real loss as parents. I can still remember the pain of hearing we might not get Simon. I remember calling my good friend (who happens to be my Pastor and boss) and croaking out the words "we might loose Simon." It was the day before our Simon Says Sing Fundraiser that we had worked hard all summer to produce. I remember my neighbor taking Cara and I to Chick-fila so the girls could play and I would be distracted from waiting for the phone call.

Just after that we went on a family vacation and every time I look at those pictures I am reminded of how hard it was to enjoy the summer sun while part of me already knew.

Well, we finally found Simon's window.

A few weeks ago Simon's mother, Sharon, came back to the babies home. She has visited him a few times since he was born but it was my understanding that no one had heard from her recently. Sharon has recently found a decent home for herself and her health has improved. She came back to the babies home to seek out Simon. The babies home staff contacted us to let us know that they would be doing a home inspection, but they were considering granting her request to be reunited with Simon.

I am pleased to share that the inspection and interview went well and Simon is now home with his birth mother! Bill and I have agreed to take on all of Simon's expenses as a way to help make this a permanent solution for Simon. We will be paying for his food, clothing, toys, medical expenses and school fees. Ken and Cathy have agreed to help us with this by purchasing the items and directly delivering them to Simon for us. This means they will have regular contact with him and we will get updates!

I hope you will join me in regularly praying for Sharon and Simon. I am asking God to continue to protect Sharon's health so that she and Simon can have many long years together. I am also praying for protection over their home and safety. Lastly, please pray for Simon & the nannies as they transitions from 3+ years together at the babies home to sending Simon back into the loving arms of his mother.

Simon, Bill & Isaac on our last day at the babies home.

My Cup Overflows

People ask us constantly "how's it going?" At first, it was a hard question to answer. Things were good, we were tired. No one wants to hear about poop samples and parasites, but I told them anyway. We never want to be fake and pretend like parenting isn't hard.

I have spent a lot of time over the past several months bracing for impact. I fully expected this year to be the hardest year of my life. I think it still will be, but I never expected this year to also be the best year of my life. I have been completely taken over by the unlimited joy and gratitude we are experiencing. Everything I have read prior to traveling told me to dig deep and hold on to the reasons we began this process because it might be hard to remember why we wanted this after we were living it daily. I was warned about tantrums for the record books and days /nights when my pillow would seem like a distant memory. That's all true, but no one told me it would be this beautiful.

This week I have struggled to put into words the beauty of what we are living in right now.

Last night I was driving home late and thinking about what I was coming home to. I thought to myself "Abraham must have danced." We know that Sarah laughed because Isaac's name means laughter, but I bet they also danced. When you are living on the other side of waiting you almost feel weightless. After years of waiting on God's promise, praying for patience, crying out for the strength to find hope and continue believing in what is unseen...you are left speechless. The waiting is over. The promise is fulfilled and in front of you in a way you can touch and squish and kiss goodnight. It makes my heart delight in ways that I can't find words for.

This week as I listened to Christian radio and read the verses for each day I saw the theme of waiting. I thought of all of those days when I clung to those types of verses with a heavy and exhausted heart. I read those passages now and waves of gratitude come rushing. Somehow this remarkable promise, this impossible situation is now filling my days with laughter and joy. The finances we didn't have. The timeline we couldn't control. The ocean we had to cross. The endless waiting. It is all behind us.

This moment proved true this past Thursday. Isaac and I picked up Cara after school like we always do and we headed to the playground. The play yard was full of parents and kids enjoying the last few rays of afternoon sunshine before Friday's expected snowstorm (so much for spring!). I sat down on a bench off to the side of all the parents and just watched my kids play. One by one the other families left for this and that. Last year this would have been a sad day. Cara would have wanted to stay and play longer but she would inevitably become bored by herself and declare that we should "just go home." Not today. Even when we were the last family left in the yard I listened to the deafening sound of laughter. I watched as Cara shouted "Isaac try to catch me" and the both dashed off just thrilled with the chase. Isaac's little body can barely contain the joy he feels as he plays with his sister. As he gets more excited he begins to run on his tip toes and puff out his chest. His arms trail behind him like they just can't catch up with the joy that is pulling his heart forward. Sometimes I half expect him to just lift off the ground and fly right up to heaven. His eyes radiate a love and joy I have never known before. It is like he is glowing.

Cara is no different. As her hair whips around her face she laughs and squeals with delight. When she looks back and sees Isaac chasing her with his big toothy grin she giggles. She runs past me and just yells "Mom!" like she too can't come up with the words to express how much fun she is having.

After an hour or so Cara crashed under the play equipment to take a break from running. Not to be undone Isaac plops down right on top her her and smushes his face into her coat. "Isaac!" Cara says momentarily annoyed. "Oh, he just wants to hug you." I say. Again Cara is laughing as she gives him a big squeeze and he squeals. Then they just lay there in a pile of exhausted fun, nose to nose, smiling at each other. It's not long before a new game begins.

I have never seen two people who are more thankful for each other than Isaac and Cara. They both waited a long time for the other and neither one has forgotten what it is like to be alone.

Growing up I was the kind of kid who was lucky enough to realize I had it good. I would write letters to my teachers at the end of the year to thank them for inspiring me. I would write birthday cards to my parents with long messages thanking them for all they had done for me in the past year. I loved my brother and I cherished the times when we hung out as friends. When he went away to college I mourned the empty room across the hall. Still, I know I took a lot for granted. I look at Isaac and I see someone who would willingly walk through hell as long as we could all go together. He is teaching me how special it is to have a family. It is not guaranteed and it is not to be wasted. He would rather sit on the couch and watch me take a phone call then go off and play alone. To him nothing is fun unless there is someone you love to share it with.

We see it everyday when Bill comes home. When all four of us are in the same room Isaac just bounces with energy. He often calls for all of us and then grabs us all by the neck and forces us into a family pile on the couch. He LOVES group hugs and he doesn't let go. He just shouts "Mommy, Daddy, Ky-a" over and over. "Huggie! Huggie!"

If we are headed somewhere on the weekends, Isaac is the first to do role call. "Mommy car?" , "Daddy car?", "Cara car?", "Isaac car?" - Yes, Isaac we are all going together. He often repeats the line of questioning over and over until he is confident that we aren't splitting up. Yet this past Friday we were blessed with the opportunity for Mommy and Daddy to go on a quick date. Our neighbor and her daughter came over to play with Cara and Isaac. We explained it to Isaac over and over for two hours that we were just going somewhere to eat and we would be back to put him to bed. "No bye bye" He would say more as a question then anything else.  In the end he let us leave without any fuss. When we came home you could hear the laughter through the front door. The kids were at it again. At first Isaac couldn't see me behind Bill and there was a slight panic as he asked "Mommy?!" When I peaked my head around Bill Isaac yelled "Mommy!" and then immediately ran back to play. All he needs to know is that we are there and all is right with the world.

It is simply priceless. This week when people asked me how it was going it felt like "great" just wasn't enough. There are still moments that are hard. There are still times when I see Isaac begin to scratch at the back of his neck and I know he is anxious and unable to find words to express what has him upset. We still battle over the occasional meal, but we are living in a promise fulfilled and I see God's love overflowing in every detail.

I Scream, You Scream...

We all scream for Ice Cream....except Isaac :(

Today we took Isaac for the dentist for the first time. This prepared Mommy has been reading an Elmo book about brushing teeth and we spent half the morning on YouTube watching clips of every cartoon character imaginable going to the dentist for the first time. We even found an 8 min video by a pediatric dentists office walking kids through it step by step.

Yet all my attempts at preparing Isaac only got him through the door (barely). It was Caraline for the win with a little help from Nana. The three of us were a team cheering Isaac on as he discovered the dentists office. At first Isaac wanted no parts of laying down in a chair and having his teeth counted. We made jokes and tickled him but Isaac was still uneasy. Cara volunteered to have her teeth counted to show Isaac that the mirror was a cool way to see inside her mouth. That plus the promise of a sticker was all we needed to get Isaac to open up.

Talk of a treasure chest helped Isaac warm up to the idea of having his teeth brushed but it was Nana's suggestion to have Isaac smell the strawberry toothpaste that got him smiling. Cara held the toothpaste, Isaac sat on my lap and somehow the dentist was able to work with such a crowded chair. The hygienist gave Isaac his own spin brush and let him take turns brushing his teeth himself and then having her take a try. Before you knew it we had one smiley happy kid.

Dr. B has been such a great supporter of our adoption process this entire time. He has adopted grandchildren of his own and he could not wait to meet Isaac. It was a delight to visit with him and get a good bill of health on top of it all!

I was so proud of my kids that I suggested we visit the newly opened Pop Shop in Medford. Daddy and Poppy met us there and we enjoyed a wonderful dinner. We thought we would top it off with ice cream (because what's better to ruin your teeth than ice cream). Cara was thrilled, Isaac was not so sure. He did not like the cold of the ice cream but he clearly liked the taste. After several attempts with the result just dripping right back out of his mouth we thought we should try the cone. Bill broke off the tip and tried to get Isaac to eat it. Isaac looked at Bill like he was crazy and kept trying to put the broken tip back on the cone. If he knew how I swear he would say "Dad! You broke my cone!" We put it in his mouth but he wanted no parts of it. So much for a special treat to celebrate. I hope he appreciates the effort when we are at yet another doctors appointment tomorrow...

Trying to fix the cone.

Highlights of Being Home (Part 1)

We have now officially been home one month. There are so many moments in the midst of it all that it's hard to know where to begin. As you can tell by the lack of posting, we have been busy. Life as a family of 4 has been awesome and exhausting all at once.

This past week I was messaged by an old friend. She had tried to mail us a Christmas card while we were gone but our mail forwarding had some kinks in it and for whatever reason it was returned to her. She was double checking to find out if we had moved. Bill and I have been blessed to make some great friends along the years. Some we get to see every week and others at least once a year. A few even less than that, but it is always wonderful to hear from everyone and find out what has happened since we last got together.

Anyway, I was reminded that this friend had made a very generous donation to the adoption process over a year ago. It was significant at the time because it was right as we were about to loose Simon for the first time. It was a moment when I was doubting what God was up to and this particular friend is someone who follows God wholeheartedly. She gave a very specific amount of money and I knew that God must have inspired her to give at that moment. It reminded me that even when it feels hopeless, God is at work behind the scenes. It was wonderful to find out that she has been reading the blog and keeping up with our story.

Reconnecting with her caused me to stop and remember that this has been a long, long process. Four years to be exact. I wanted to take a quick moment and thank everyone who has sent a card, purchased pretzels, eaten pancakes, sung a song, purchased a raffle ticket, took a chance on an iPad, said a prayer, given a hug or listened to our stories. It is humbling to know that so many people are woven into Isaac and Simon's stories. We remember each of you as we pull out a hand me down or use a gift card. Every time I warm up leftovers for the kids I am reminded that I didn't make these meals and that God is carrying us through. There will never be enough words or thank you notes to cover it all. So as I sit here on a quiet Sunday afternoon I thought I would try to share a few of the moments. They won't be in order and it is by no means a complete picture of our time at home, but these are a few things that I want to remember as we begin the business of growing up too fast:

FUNNY STORIES

Whenever we get in the car Isaac says (in the same order every time):

I: No Pa-pane 

Me: Nope, no airplane Isaac. We are home now.

I: Ky-ya scooool

Me: (often yes, but if I say..) No Cara's School

I: NO BOO BOO!

Me: (often yes, but if I say..) No doctors Isaac

I: No Dot-tor?

Me: No Doctor

I: Chicken? ( with a happy grin because we stopped at Chick-fila once and Isaac fell in love)

No Matter what we are doing if you tell Isaac it is time to eat he jumps up and shouts "Eat! Eat!" and begins to clean up in an effort to be first at the table. It is priceless.

Isaac has become a super duper helper around the house. He actually gets mad if I get out the dust buster without him. He loves to help make mommies coffee in the morning, empty the dishwasher, vacuum and most of all, chase the steam from the steam mop.

MEETING FRIENDS

Isaac's first Chinese food dinner from the James family. Isaac liked the food but he LOVED having friends over to play.

This game was given to us years ago but it is still a huge hit every time friends come over. As soon as Isaac sees the box he starts running in circles yelling "Hula-bu-lu!" Each time we play it he gets better at listening for the directions but mostly he just likes to dance around to the music and stomp on the shapes.

Chopping fruit with friends is fun! A good majority of the clothes Isaac is wearing these days come from Rhylan's closet so these two were super excited to finally meet one another. It is an awful photo, but look at that smile. He could not be happier to have friends in his home.

QUOTE OF THE DAY:

Isaac is still learning English so any word that has "ed" in it comes out as "dead." Red, Bed, Bread, etc...all come out  as "dead." He also struggles with the "s" sound.

One day Bill decided to make Isaac grilled cheese and tomato soup and Isaac shouted
"Yeah poop and dead!"

It has become a family joke now. "Who wants poop and dead?"



GREAT FAMILY MOMENTS

Cara and Isaac got to discover the fun of sledding. 

We got to recreate Christmas with the Kamps family this past weekend. Who doesn't love unwrapping their first Tonka truck?

Grandma also got to show Isaac some of the great toys they keep at their house.

The girls had fun too. Here is Cara enjoying a tea party with GG and Aunt Katie.

Cara choose where everyone sat but Isaac had his heart set on hanging out with Samantha. Mommy didn't mind the break :)

Isaac also got the chance to go to his first American birthday party. Our cousin Jack turned 1 this week! We haven't been to Jacks house yet so Isaac is convinced that they live at the play place. He kept asking "Daddy's room?" I think he was trying to figure out where everyone slept.

The boys waiting to get into the play area.

 It is an American tradition to do a "Smash Cake" for the first birthday. You let the baby dig into cake for the first time and make a total mess of themselves. I am pretty sure Isaac thought it was his "smash cake" birthday.

Making the tough call between more cake and bubbles.

Bubbles won. Look at that face!

ISAAC-ISMS

Ple-A (Play)

I-Gik (Isaac)

Pool (any body of water)

Poppycock (Poppy's Truck)

Buh-lu-lu (Blue)

No Cut It (what we say every time we pass Ike's barber shop now)

C-wee-all (cereal)

Peab (please)

Nan (Meow)

Poop (soup)

Huggies (hug)

No bye bye (it's not time to leave yet)

Choo Choo baby (cookie monster)

Daddy Toocher  (Daddy's a Teacher/Daddy's at work)

Ple-A Know (play in the snow)

Mommy Beep (excuse me mommy)

Lee-ann-mon (Ironman)

There are so many more moments to share. Thank you to everyone who was a part of bringing this family together. We could not have done it without you.