A Reason For Hope

This Photo is borrowed from an amazing blog about a 24 year old girl who has moved to Uganda and is raising 14 girls on her own. www.kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com

This picture is a before and after of a young boy who came to live with them temporarily. These are the kinds of pictures that are going before the judges who decide if we get to bring our son home. You can see why photos like this are causing them to stop and reevaluate what is happening to children in their country. Why are they showing up in orphanges looking like this before picture? What can be done to prevent it?

This before and after photo is an example of hope for Uganda :).

Last Stop Before the Waiting List

Yesterday was our 7 year wedding anniversary!

It was also our appointment to have our fingerprints done for the FBI. There was a moment when we weren't sure if we were going to make it to our appointment, but in the end we were allowed in and everything went smoothly. We should have the results in a few weeks and after a quick review of our paperwork we expect to be put on the waiting list for a child :)

My (Lauren) heart is still heavy about such a long delay before Ugi comes home. A month ago I would have been crying tears of joy to hit such a milestone in our journey. Yesterday a part of me felt numb. I had allowed myself to create so many hopes and dreams centered around our son coming home this year. The thought of another holiday without him is hard to bare. My instinct is to guard my heart and refuse to allow myself to love again. I will not let this happen. This week the lyrics to Matt Hammitt's "All of Me" are challenging me not to give up on our journey.

Afraid to love
Something that could break
Could I move on
If you were torn away?
And I'm so close to what I can't control
I can't give you half my heart
And pray He makes you whole

(Chorus)
You're gonna have all of me
You're gonna have all of me
'Cause you're worth every falling tear
You're worth facing any fear
You're gonna know all my love
Even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me is where I'll start

I won't let sadness steal you from my arms
I won't let pain keep you from my heart
I'll trade the fear of all that I could lose
For every moment I [will one day] share with you

[and one day when we finally get to hold him I know this is what I'll sing]

Heaven brought you to this moment, it's too wonderful to speak
You're worth all of me, you're worth all of me
So let me recklessly love you, even if I bleed
You're worth all of me, you're worth all of me

It's where I'll start   

Heartbroken but not Hopeless

Or at least that's what I keep telling myself...

Today we recieved an email from Lisa (our social worker with Helping Hands Adoption Agency) stating that our expected wait time once we reach the waiting list is being increased from 1-2 months to at least 6 months (probably more). In addition the wait time between accepting our refferal/match and our court date is being increased from 4-6 weeks to 4 months. Added up that means that we just added a minimum of 10 months onto our time table.

When our application was approved back in November we were given an estimated process time of 9 months to 1 year. It now looks as if it will be closer to 2 years. At least we're already 7 months in.

Ultimately (after emailing back and forth for futher explination) the reasons behind these delays benifit the lives of the Children in Uganda and for that I am greatful. The court system is filling up with families interested in adopting from Uganda (great news for the millions of orphans). With each case the legal system is realizing just how horrific the condidtions for Ugandan children have become. They are arresting parents for neglect and abandoment based on the photos taken when children arrive in the orphanges. They are also cracking down on the types of children eligible for adoption. For example a mother that states she does not know who the father is or where he is, would previously have been allowed to place the child up for adoption. The new laws now require her to present all of her sexual partners for DNA testing to prove who the father is, and that he is unwilling and unable to care for the child. Situations like this take time. In addition the court system is requiring more and more documentation to prove that every effort has been made to find a living relative for the children found abandoned. This takes our lawyers aproximately 6 months to accomplish.

It is incredibly encouraging that the legal system in Uganda is taking responsibility for their orphans and doing everything in their power to make sure that children in their country are raised in healthy living situations. However, at the moment I grieve the additional time without our son. I can't even bring myself to go near his room knowing that the crib will continue to remain empty.

I have had to remind myself time and time again that God has brought us on this journey because there are children that need homes....not because Bill and I need more children. It's not about expanding our family as much as it is about becoming a family for Ugi.

Still I sit here heartbroken. My heart was set on seeing his face by the end of the summer and holding him soon after. I can't even begin to explain how it is possible to love a child you've never met so deeply. To know that he is waiting for you and there is nothing you can do to change that.

I will continue to pray that if he's not already there that God will guide his way to the Tenderheart Babies Home where Ken and Cathy can lovingly care for him until we are able to. I will continue to be thankful for the missionaries that hold the children during vacinations while we cannot. I will continue to trust that God has a plan to love, comfort and provide for Ugi and I will continue to be thankful for any part that we get to play in that plan.

Photos from the orphange:

Immunizations

It's rare for an orphange to have a fun open place for the kids to play.

Sometimes the best thing you can do is hug
 them for the mommies that can't.

The song keeping me going today is "Safe" by Phil Wickham

To the one who's dreams are falling all apart
And all you're left with is a tired and broken heart
I can tell by your eyes you think your on your own
but you're not all alone

Have you heard of the One who can calm the raging seas
Give sight to the blind, pull the lame up to their feet
With a love so strong he'll never let you go
oh you're not alone

Chorus:
You will be safe in His arms
You will be safe in His arms
'Cause the hands that hold the world are holding your heart
This is the promise He made
He will be with You always
When everything is falling apart
You will be safe in His arms

Big Sister

 Cara moved into her "big girl" room around the time that we were visited by our social worker for our home inspection. We had been working hard to get the house ready and talking a lot about "Ugi" (our nickname for our son until we know his name - short for Uganda) alot. Without realizing it we had communicated to Cara that Ugi was coming home soon. In her little mind this meant braving the transition into a new room and a "big girl" bed so that her brother would have a place to live. It started randomly with a nap one day. "Mom, can I sleep in my 'big girl' room today?"
 "Are you sure?"
"Yes."

A few days later she asked to spend the night (right between our two interviews). My heart melted when I finally put the pieces together and saw things from Cara's perspective. The social worker showed up for our final interview and Cara met her at the door "You didn't bring Ugi!" She wasn't sad. She just didn't understand what all the getting ready was for if he wasn't actually coming home.

Since then Cara has been working hard at learning how to be a big sister. She has set aside some of her favorite books and toys, even a favorite blanket for her brother to have "when he comes home mommy." When we went shopping for our new baby cousin (my sister-in-law is due in June!) Cara insisted on buying something for Ugi as well.

She has decided that she will teach him how to climb the stairs and play with toys. She has also started helping me with the little boy that I watch once a week. She loves handing me wipes while I change diapers, finding his pacifier, feeding him, and bringing him various toys when he cries. Below are some photos from today. She practices these things with no prompting from me at all,she's just so excited to be a good big sister.




Pushing the swing gently

Pulling the wagon to the park

Feeding Cheerios - working on the one for you two for me principal