I sat down on the bed and my mind raced. 'Developments with Simon's case' what did that mean? I recalled my comment from the night before "0% of failed referrals come through."
I had to stop myself from hoping he would come home. At that moment all I knew was that for some reason God had given us another opportunity to be used in Simon's life. That was enough.
I had a few guesses about what might have happened but I knew that I was dealing with limited information from 6 months ago. Anything could have changed between then and now. I began preparing my heart for anything.
The beautiful thing about time is that it keeps moving even when your entire world is falling apart or coming back together. You can't rush it and you can't stop it. Time continues at the same constant rate and no amount of panic or pleading can change that.
We set the conference call for 10:45am the next day. In the meantime Lisa had been able to connect with Ken and Cathy and our lawyer one more time about Simon's case. Lisa calmly and clearly took us through the timeline of what they knew.
What I had been wondering in my heart this whole time was true..Simon's Uncle never came to get him.
They have agreed on a plan to write letters to all of Simon's relatives and allow 6 weeks for a response. If no one claims him within that time they will reopen his case and allow us to file our paperwork with the court system and request a date to obtain guardianship of Simon.
An open door. A second chance. A new beautiful photograph of my son's adorable face. Much older now but still so sweet and adorable. He's even wearing a party hat. Perhaps he was at Cara's birthday party in spirit after all.
So we continue to wait knowing that on our end this changes nothing at all. It is still a delicate situation and Simon may still have family interested in caring for him in Uganda. I am just so thankful that God continues to use us to bring Simon home. We were told to be cautiously optimistic. I suck at that. I am learning. The peace that is surrounding me is not my own. It feels like the few seconds before it rains or before a firework goes off. You know something explosive is about to happen but nothing you do will change it. You just hold your breath, look up and wait.
Monday, January 13, 2014
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We just want to say thank you to everyone who has been tracking with our adoption journey so far. There is so much we wanted to share with you over these past few weeks but we felt that this part of the journey was a step of faith we needed to take alone until we had an answer. However, in an attempt to remain authentic I have continued to blog unpublished. I hope through these posts you will be able to see the thread of hope God has continued to weave throughout our story...
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When we are in a season of silence there are many days at a time where Bill and I can go without directly talking about the adoption. We always pray for Simon and Ugi at bedtime with Cara and it is never truly off our radar, but there are days when we can wait quietly.
Last night was not one of those nights. Cara was tucked sweetly in bed and Bill and I were watching TV. I pulled up an email that I had received from Helping Hand and showed it to Bill. It contained photos and descriptions of all the children still waiting to be adopted. I had looked over it earlier in the day and there was a little boy named Uriah. I was hoping that somehow God would speak to Bill when he saw Uriah's picture.
We've been together for 12 years so it didn't take Bill long to pick up on my hints. "There is obviously only one little boy on this list that fits the criteria we have been looking at. What is your heart here?" I guess I am not as smooth as I thought I was. And so began the conversation of waiting...
"Are you waiting on God or is this just another attempt to control..." He knows me well and I am so thankful for his accountability. I poured out my heart to him about what has been eating away at me in the silence.
I am just not hearing from God. I cannot let go of Simon. I so desperately want to follow God's plan and I am afraid my tunnel vision might limit my ability to see God move. What if he is calling us to something else and I can't hear him because I am so caught up in what I want? In an effort to be truly surrendered to God's plan we decided to stop 'the pill', we began looking at other countries, and I asked for the password to the waiting children's files because I know how hard it is to wait and what if there is someone who needs us right now?
I had also recently read another blog about adoption that said "healthy" children are no longer on the lists. The world of international adoption has changed greatly since Bill and I were called to adopt. Laws are being changed, countries are being held accountable, and orphans are finding homes in country. The blog post was about a boy with severe (but manageable) disabilities and it's author challenged the readers by saying that if you have been called to international adoption these are the kinds of kids you have been called to love. They are the ones still waiting because no one wants the added burden of physical therapy or doctors visits.
We continued to have a long conversation about our experiences in life and what God might be asking of us through this adoption. Bill confessed that he too secretly longed for our son to be Simon but that was impossible, maybe it was time to wrestle with God a little more and consider what exactly God was asking of us. I said to Bill 'In everything I have read about adoption 0% of the time does a failed referral turn around come through. I haven't heard a single story about it."
That must have been when God laughed... 0% Since when has that ever been a problem for God?
The next morning, Bill emailed Lisa, our social worker. He asked if there was any news or updates about Simon and he inquired about seeing Uriah's file.
At the same moment Lisa was getting an email from our lawyer in Uganda about Simon. She asked if we could conference call tomorrow. "Before we talk about any other children there have been some developments with Simon..."
I was running on the treadmill when Bill texted me. Some things just stop you dead in your tracks!
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When we are in a season of silence there are many days at a time where Bill and I can go without directly talking about the adoption. We always pray for Simon and Ugi at bedtime with Cara and it is never truly off our radar, but there are days when we can wait quietly.
Last night was not one of those nights. Cara was tucked sweetly in bed and Bill and I were watching TV. I pulled up an email that I had received from Helping Hand and showed it to Bill. It contained photos and descriptions of all the children still waiting to be adopted. I had looked over it earlier in the day and there was a little boy named Uriah. I was hoping that somehow God would speak to Bill when he saw Uriah's picture.
We've been together for 12 years so it didn't take Bill long to pick up on my hints. "There is obviously only one little boy on this list that fits the criteria we have been looking at. What is your heart here?" I guess I am not as smooth as I thought I was. And so began the conversation of waiting...
"Are you waiting on God or is this just another attempt to control..." He knows me well and I am so thankful for his accountability. I poured out my heart to him about what has been eating away at me in the silence.
I am just not hearing from God. I cannot let go of Simon. I so desperately want to follow God's plan and I am afraid my tunnel vision might limit my ability to see God move. What if he is calling us to something else and I can't hear him because I am so caught up in what I want? In an effort to be truly surrendered to God's plan we decided to stop 'the pill', we began looking at other countries, and I asked for the password to the waiting children's files because I know how hard it is to wait and what if there is someone who needs us right now?
I had also recently read another blog about adoption that said "healthy" children are no longer on the lists. The world of international adoption has changed greatly since Bill and I were called to adopt. Laws are being changed, countries are being held accountable, and orphans are finding homes in country. The blog post was about a boy with severe (but manageable) disabilities and it's author challenged the readers by saying that if you have been called to international adoption these are the kinds of kids you have been called to love. They are the ones still waiting because no one wants the added burden of physical therapy or doctors visits.
We continued to have a long conversation about our experiences in life and what God might be asking of us through this adoption. Bill confessed that he too secretly longed for our son to be Simon but that was impossible, maybe it was time to wrestle with God a little more and consider what exactly God was asking of us. I said to Bill 'In everything I have read about adoption 0% of the time does a failed referral turn around come through. I haven't heard a single story about it."
That must have been when God laughed... 0% Since when has that ever been a problem for God?
The next morning, Bill emailed Lisa, our social worker. He asked if there was any news or updates about Simon and he inquired about seeing Uriah's file.
At the same moment Lisa was getting an email from our lawyer in Uganda about Simon. She asked if we could conference call tomorrow. "Before we talk about any other children there have been some developments with Simon..."
I was running on the treadmill when Bill texted me. Some things just stop you dead in your tracks!
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