It has been 8 days since the phone rang. "Prepare yourselves" she said. That was last Wednesday.
Even in the bad news I see God taking care of us. If there was ever a day to receive gut wrentching news, last Wednesday was a good day for it. I had already arranged for Cara to be with my mother for the day so that I could do all the final shopping for the cabaret. Bill was done work at 1:30pm (as opposed to Tuesday or Thursday where he worked 7am-10pm). We had already planned to take a long drive together up to Chester to pick up the Rocky Mountain Chocolate basket. It was as if God knew we would need this time and space to process.
Thursday was like the eye of the storm. When Lisa (our social worker) had called Wednesday morning I was too shocked to ask logical questions. She said she was going to make calls, I didn't even ask who they would be calling. However, we made the decision not to ask any more questions until the phone rang on Friday. It wouldn't change the outcome. We decided just to rest in God's peace and trust that everyone was doing everything they could. We experienced peace while we waited.
Friday was they day they were calling back. I had no idea what time. Bill was working a long day and then we were all meeting up at Destiny Arts to set up for Saturday's fundraiser. Bill had decided to fast for the day and he took a long walk by the river and talked to God during his lunch break.
He sent me this video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dbNK50T35wY of Chris Tomlin's song "I Lift My Hands".
My neighbor, Val, was incredible. She took Cara in the morning so I could finish up some things for the cabaret. A few hours later the girls came to play at my house which was a great distraction and Val stayed to keep me company. As it got closer to noon I knew that meant the end of the day in Uganda (they are 6 hours ahead). I checked my phone every 10 seconds. Val invited us to join them on a trip to run errands and perhaps stop by a Chick-fila. It was a great distraction. By 2pm the knot in my stomach was nearly unbearable but somehow there was still peace in my heart.
It was around 2pm that people started texting "any news?"....nothing. Cara went down for her nap and I waited for the phone to ring. A good friend stopped by to drop off a needed item and she had been fasting for us as well.
Eventually it was time to start packing up all the baskets for the fundraiser. One of my college students had brought her van and we were halfway done when the phone rang. I passed Cara off to her and went on the back deck to answer the call. "We haven't heard from Uganda but I didn't want you to wait any longer." It wasn't good news but it wasn't a closed door either. Just more waiting.
I was able to talk with Lisa and ask some of the questions I was unable to form two days before. Most of my questions she didn't have answers for but she did share with me two things that gave us the hope we needed to get through the weekend. I don't feel comfortable sharing them here because they are pieces of Simon's story for him to learn when he is ready, but I felt much more hopeful when I hung up the phone on Friday.
The cabaret on Saturday was amazing. We enjoyed a day hanging out with good friends and they put on a remarkable performance that night. It was wonderful to watch everyone participate in the raffle and to see people win the items they had been hoping for. What an incredible gift it was for us to still be able to give during a time of our own greatest need. (More on the cabaret as we get photos up)
Monday an email came by 1pm. No news.
Tuesday I checked in...still nothing.
Wednesday, one week after the phone first rang, I got an email from Lisa saying that Ken (the orphanage director) and Alice (our lawyer) had talked. Simon's mother had told them the exact opposite information. Apparently this is not unusual because people become very nervous around lawyers. Lisa told me that Ken was setting up a meeting with Alice and Simon's mom so that the three of them could get the truth out. She has no idea when this meeting will take place.
In Lisa's words "it's not good news or bad news, just more waiting."
Please continue to pray for Simon. My heart breaks for this little boy that (hopefully) has no idea the delicate web he is tangled in. I wish we had more details to share with you. Thank you for waiting with us.
Thursday, August 22, 2013
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
The Next 48 Hours
When someone who has only ever emailed you over the past two years picks up the phone to call you at 9am exactly...you hold your breath.
Her voice was pleasant but her news was not. "We need you to be preparing yourselves..." I don't remember her exact words after that but what I heard was this. The next 48 hours are crucial. Cling to God and trust in his plan regardless of the outcome.
You see the Ugandan law requires a male relative to sign the form to relinquish parental rights. A mother cannot surrender a child for adoption by herself. Simon's father is dead. Apparently they have not been able to find another male relative to sign for Simon in his father's absence. If the lawyer is unable to find someone to sign for him by Friday they will encourage us to let him go. He'll be "unadoptable." After that they don't know quite what will happen to him. The orphanage can't keep him and no one wants him. They are going to "make some calls this week." And that is all we know.
But it's not really all we know because we know that God is good. We know that He has been going before us with every detail of this process. And we know that God is a father to the fatherless.
The next 48 hours are crucial. Please join us as we pray for Simon. As usual God blessed me with a song to be the words I can't find right now.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9pqTQQyZnE
"Carry Me"
Her voice was pleasant but her news was not. "We need you to be preparing yourselves..." I don't remember her exact words after that but what I heard was this. The next 48 hours are crucial. Cling to God and trust in his plan regardless of the outcome.
You see the Ugandan law requires a male relative to sign the form to relinquish parental rights. A mother cannot surrender a child for adoption by herself. Simon's father is dead. Apparently they have not been able to find another male relative to sign for Simon in his father's absence. If the lawyer is unable to find someone to sign for him by Friday they will encourage us to let him go. He'll be "unadoptable." After that they don't know quite what will happen to him. The orphanage can't keep him and no one wants him. They are going to "make some calls this week." And that is all we know.
But it's not really all we know because we know that God is good. We know that He has been going before us with every detail of this process. And we know that God is a father to the fatherless.
The next 48 hours are crucial. Please join us as we pray for Simon. As usual God blessed me with a song to be the words I can't find right now.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9pqTQQyZnE
"Carry Me"
I try to catch my breath
It hasn't happened yet
I'm wide awake in the middle of the night scared to death
So I prayed God, would You make this stop
Father please hold on to me, You're all I've got
Carry me, carry me, carry me now
From my sinking sand to Your solid ground
The only way I'm ever gonna make it out
Is if You carry me, carry me, carry me now
God carry me, carry me, carry me now
Jesus calm my heart
Come near me please
Lord don't let these worries get the best of me
Oh I believe, that You're still here with me
Cause You meant what You said when You said You'd never leave
Carry me, carry me, carry me now
From my sinking sand to Your solid ground
The only way I'm ever gonna make it out
Is if You carry me, carry me, carry me now
God carry me, carry me, carry me now
I'm at the end of myself
I know I've got nothing left
Feels like I'm stuck in the valley of the shadow of death
And I've been down here so long
I just can't find my way out
Oh God I don't stand a chance
Unless You carry me now
God carry me now
It hasn't happened yet
I'm wide awake in the middle of the night scared to death
So I prayed God, would You make this stop
Father please hold on to me, You're all I've got
Carry me, carry me, carry me now
From my sinking sand to Your solid ground
The only way I'm ever gonna make it out
Is if You carry me, carry me, carry me now
God carry me, carry me, carry me now
Jesus calm my heart
Come near me please
Lord don't let these worries get the best of me
Oh I believe, that You're still here with me
Cause You meant what You said when You said You'd never leave
Carry me, carry me, carry me now
From my sinking sand to Your solid ground
The only way I'm ever gonna make it out
Is if You carry me, carry me, carry me now
God carry me, carry me, carry me now
I'm at the end of myself
I know I've got nothing left
Feels like I'm stuck in the valley of the shadow of death
And I've been down here so long
I just can't find my way out
Oh God I don't stand a chance
Unless You carry me now
God carry me now
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Unexpected Blessing - You're going to want to read all the way to the end.
This past Saturday was our first fundraiser since we got matched with Simon. It's amazing how this process goes so slow and so fast at the same time. After years of waiting everything needs to happen over 4 months to finalize the adoption.
We had already talked about the kind of fundraisers we wanted to do but we hit road blocks as soon as we started putting the wheels in motion. Our very first fundraiser in 2011 was a pancake breakfast at the local Applebee's. It was such an incredible day for us to see all of our friends and family come out and support us. Applebee's went above and beyond and made the day so easy for us. However, this time around there were more qualifications as to who could host a breakfast and we were turned down (they also didn't have any openings until October and we needed to work fast).
After two weeks of phone calls to every church in the area that we had a connection to, I finally got a call from a church that was willing to open their doors to us. However the pastor spoke with such a thick accent that I wasn't really sure which church it was that said yes! LOL.
Our goal was to feed pancakes to at least 200 people (which is a lot of maple syrup!). A huge thanks to my parents who allowed us to fill their freezer with sausage and orange juice as I shopped every sale I could find :).
The afternoon before the breakfast I opened up my YouVersion app and the verse of the day was Acts 1:7-8
7 He said to them: “It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority. 8 But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.”
This verse is Jesus speaking to the disciples right before he ascends to heaven. He is answering their question about when God is going to restore Israel. (the next few verses always make me chuckle if you want to look them up. I think angels have a sense of humor).
However, what I heard God say to me as I looked over the passage was "Lauren, you don't always get to know the details but it doesn't mean I don't have a plan. I am with you on this journey and that is all you need to know in order to accomplish it." It also reminded me again that while this is an adoption, it's not about adding children to our family. It's about God's love for a little boy and how He is going to use that help people see how much He loves everyone.
So I went into Saturday not knowing the details but trusting God that if 1 or 1,000 walked through that door, that it would be exactly as the day was supposed to be.
As it turns out the number was a lot closer to 1 than 1,000. However, even when the room was almost empty, I felt the love of everyone that was there. It also happened to be my birthday and there was no greater gift that watching Simon's grandfathers work perfectly together to make all the food and seeing my extended family pour juice and visit with our friends as they came to the breakfast.
Afterward everyone was anxious to count the money and see how we did. I wasn't. I knew that there was not much there and that it might be a disappointing task. The remainder of the day was hard. Bill and I kept oscillating between being thankful for how smoothly the morning went, to remembering all the people that said they were coming that didn't make it. I'm going to be very transparent here, not to make anyone feel guilty, but to expose how easy it is to take a blessing from God and twist it into something less. There was a point in the day when I was alone in my car traveling from point A to point B and my thoughts went to all the times I had gone out of my way for others. All the times I had put my life on hold to make sure I was there for someone or to be available to serve. All the hours I had logged with individuals caring for them in their time of need or simply mentoring. Thankfully, I was wise enough to stop that spiraling thought pattern. Immediately I checked my heart with what I knew to be true. I don't serve to be served. There are no strings attached. It is not a give and take. I love others because God said "love one another" not because of how they treat me or what I can get out of it. I love others not because they 'earn' it but because it's the only way some of them will ever get to experience God's love, which by the way is UNCONDITIONAL. So why would I even think to put "coming to my pancake breakfast" as a condition for anything. With my heart back in the right place I stopped to think of all the people in that room that had better places to be. There were so many friends and family members, students and colleagues that we know will be a part of Simon's journey beyond bringing him home. I felt so loved.
Still it was awkward when people would ask, "Hey, how did it go?" I tried to be honest but still share the overwhelming sense of love that we felt from the day. The finances would take care of themselves somehow but the message we got was that God was with us and so were the people most important to us :)
As the week went on we continued to be blessed by people who were not able to make it to the fundraiser. We even found out that one particular group that came to the breakfast (who I am sure would want to remain anonymous but they know who they are) intentionally paid double for each person to make sure Simon came home as fast as possible.
It wasn't until I checked the mail on Tuesday that I got the knock out blow that confirmed what I had been hearing all week. "We don't get to know the details but God is with us and that is enough."
I came home to an unexpected package. I recognized the return address as a local church but I wasn't expecting anything from them. It only got weirder. Inside the package was a cardboard envelope like the kind used to send photos. No note. Inside the envelope was a VERY generous anonymous donation. I barely knew what to do with myself. I had sent Cara upstairs to pick out a book to read before nap time and I knew she was waiting for me. I could not process what was in front of me. I called Bill to tell him about it and finished with the naptime routine. I came back downstairs and had to open the envelope again just to make sure. I then called the church to see if the package had in fact come through them and if they would be able to return a thank you note for me (I wanted to respect the extensive efforts this person went through to keep their donation anonymous). The church had no idea what I was talking about and no idea who to direct me toward. I laughed with the woman on the phone. We both knew who the money had ultimately come from...God. I know to some people it might sound ridiculous to say "I got a package in the mail from God." It wasn't glowing or surrounded by a halo or anything. I'm not going crazy. I just know that God is the source of everything we have and He used one (or several) of his children to be his hands and feet (and checkbook) to bless Simon and bring him home a little faster. As of now, we are officially halfway to our fundraising goal :)
I still don't know the details, but it's continued conformation that He is the author of this journey and that He is with us and just like Jesus said to the disciples in Acts chapter 1...that is enough for me to be his witness to the ends of the earth.
:)
We had already talked about the kind of fundraisers we wanted to do but we hit road blocks as soon as we started putting the wheels in motion. Our very first fundraiser in 2011 was a pancake breakfast at the local Applebee's. It was such an incredible day for us to see all of our friends and family come out and support us. Applebee's went above and beyond and made the day so easy for us. However, this time around there were more qualifications as to who could host a breakfast and we were turned down (they also didn't have any openings until October and we needed to work fast).
After two weeks of phone calls to every church in the area that we had a connection to, I finally got a call from a church that was willing to open their doors to us. However the pastor spoke with such a thick accent that I wasn't really sure which church it was that said yes! LOL.
Our goal was to feed pancakes to at least 200 people (which is a lot of maple syrup!). A huge thanks to my parents who allowed us to fill their freezer with sausage and orange juice as I shopped every sale I could find :).
The afternoon before the breakfast I opened up my YouVersion app and the verse of the day was Acts 1:7-8
7 He said to them: “It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority. 8 But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.”
This verse is Jesus speaking to the disciples right before he ascends to heaven. He is answering their question about when God is going to restore Israel. (the next few verses always make me chuckle if you want to look them up. I think angels have a sense of humor).
However, what I heard God say to me as I looked over the passage was "Lauren, you don't always get to know the details but it doesn't mean I don't have a plan. I am with you on this journey and that is all you need to know in order to accomplish it." It also reminded me again that while this is an adoption, it's not about adding children to our family. It's about God's love for a little boy and how He is going to use that help people see how much He loves everyone.
So I went into Saturday not knowing the details but trusting God that if 1 or 1,000 walked through that door, that it would be exactly as the day was supposed to be.
As it turns out the number was a lot closer to 1 than 1,000. However, even when the room was almost empty, I felt the love of everyone that was there. It also happened to be my birthday and there was no greater gift that watching Simon's grandfathers work perfectly together to make all the food and seeing my extended family pour juice and visit with our friends as they came to the breakfast.
Afterward everyone was anxious to count the money and see how we did. I wasn't. I knew that there was not much there and that it might be a disappointing task. The remainder of the day was hard. Bill and I kept oscillating between being thankful for how smoothly the morning went, to remembering all the people that said they were coming that didn't make it. I'm going to be very transparent here, not to make anyone feel guilty, but to expose how easy it is to take a blessing from God and twist it into something less. There was a point in the day when I was alone in my car traveling from point A to point B and my thoughts went to all the times I had gone out of my way for others. All the times I had put my life on hold to make sure I was there for someone or to be available to serve. All the hours I had logged with individuals caring for them in their time of need or simply mentoring. Thankfully, I was wise enough to stop that spiraling thought pattern. Immediately I checked my heart with what I knew to be true. I don't serve to be served. There are no strings attached. It is not a give and take. I love others because God said "love one another" not because of how they treat me or what I can get out of it. I love others not because they 'earn' it but because it's the only way some of them will ever get to experience God's love, which by the way is UNCONDITIONAL. So why would I even think to put "coming to my pancake breakfast" as a condition for anything. With my heart back in the right place I stopped to think of all the people in that room that had better places to be. There were so many friends and family members, students and colleagues that we know will be a part of Simon's journey beyond bringing him home. I felt so loved.
Still it was awkward when people would ask, "Hey, how did it go?" I tried to be honest but still share the overwhelming sense of love that we felt from the day. The finances would take care of themselves somehow but the message we got was that God was with us and so were the people most important to us :)
As the week went on we continued to be blessed by people who were not able to make it to the fundraiser. We even found out that one particular group that came to the breakfast (who I am sure would want to remain anonymous but they know who they are) intentionally paid double for each person to make sure Simon came home as fast as possible.
It wasn't until I checked the mail on Tuesday that I got the knock out blow that confirmed what I had been hearing all week. "We don't get to know the details but God is with us and that is enough."
I came home to an unexpected package. I recognized the return address as a local church but I wasn't expecting anything from them. It only got weirder. Inside the package was a cardboard envelope like the kind used to send photos. No note. Inside the envelope was a VERY generous anonymous donation. I barely knew what to do with myself. I had sent Cara upstairs to pick out a book to read before nap time and I knew she was waiting for me. I could not process what was in front of me. I called Bill to tell him about it and finished with the naptime routine. I came back downstairs and had to open the envelope again just to make sure. I then called the church to see if the package had in fact come through them and if they would be able to return a thank you note for me (I wanted to respect the extensive efforts this person went through to keep their donation anonymous). The church had no idea what I was talking about and no idea who to direct me toward. I laughed with the woman on the phone. We both knew who the money had ultimately come from...God. I know to some people it might sound ridiculous to say "I got a package in the mail from God." It wasn't glowing or surrounded by a halo or anything. I'm not going crazy. I just know that God is the source of everything we have and He used one (or several) of his children to be his hands and feet (and checkbook) to bless Simon and bring him home a little faster. As of now, we are officially halfway to our fundraising goal :)
I still don't know the details, but it's continued conformation that He is the author of this journey and that He is with us and just like Jesus said to the disciples in Acts chapter 1...that is enough for me to be his witness to the ends of the earth.
:)
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