Recently Bill asked Cara the age old question "Cara, is your glass half empty or half full?" She replied with a big smile "half full!" Hopefully this means she will go through life with a much more positive perspective than her mother.
I decided to take a hint from Cara and view this Mother's Day as half full rather than half empty. As the day approached a part of me wanted to be angry. Angry with the system and angry with God for allowing Cara to grow up so lonely. Friday night we got an email from one of our adoption agencies that was titled "Help Us Find Homes for Orphans." Bill and I laughed. Bill said,"Gee I am confused about what we've been doing so far?!" Again I was reminded that while our hearts have their own timeline for this adoption, we wait on God's perfect plan. One day (hopefully this side of heaven) it will all make perfect sense.
An even bigger part of me wanted to be heartbroken that there is no hope of Ugi coming home any time soon. During the process of renewing our home study we were casually informed that we shouldn't expect any news before September. My heart quickly did the math...a match later than September means another Christmas apart. Another birthday for Cara without anyone to help her blow out the candles. Even still I choose to wait expectantly on God. He wouldn't bring us down this road without a purpose. We have already learned so much about ourselves and what it means to love unconditionally.
As difficult as it was I choose to spend this week focused on all the incredible family and friends that surround me daily. Our nest might be half full but our life is completely whole. We are surrounded by the kind of people that will drop everything to help us when we are in need (even when we forget to say Thank You!). Our family comes through for us time and time again. This is evidenced just this week by our fixed car, new back door, free babysitting, and full tummy (such good Mother's Day meals!).
The hole in my heart reminds me to pray for our son and to depend on God with every detail of our lives. I could choose to focus on what's missing or to focus on the greatness of the God who called us on this journey and the fullness of the life he has already provided.
Today I choose to be thankful, hopeful, faithful, and to see my life as "half full."
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I was also greatly encouraged by this weeks sermon in church about what it means to be called to something. It should be uploaded here soon http://www.gracealliancechapel.org/series/our-calling Check it out if you have time. Several friends and family have questioned us about our adoption process. "You could have had 2 more kids of your own by now." Not everyone understands what it means when God calls you to something. It's never easy. This message really helped put it in perspective.
