Looking Back and Looking Forward

In addition to the daily parenting, Bill and I have been on an exhausting journey of planning, waiting, wondering and trusting. There are still some big "what if's" looming ahead of us. It is hard not to hope and wonder and wish for an ideal circumstance. It is even harder not to worry about the worst case scenario. Most days we are able to hang onto our faith and look just for the very next step. Other days are harder .

This Thursday was a great challenge. We heard from the family that filed for their passports with us. They had received their passports on Wednesday and were already moving into Kampala and scheduling their medical examinations. Our files were right on top of one another. How could it be that they had their passports and we did not?

I'll confess that I stared to despair. As I hand-washed our laundry, I was thankful to be on my knees. I knew all the right things in my head but my heart still sank a bit. The only thing I could do was cry out to God and use all of my strength to trust him. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding."

We contacted the lawyer and he told us that there had been an error in our file but we might expect news today (Thursday). However, when we asked him if we should make our way into town he advised us to wait "just in case" it didn't work out.

Every beep or buzz on the phone caused us all to jump. Even Cara knew that if we didn't have our passports in the next 24 hours all hope of us flying home together as a family would be lost. 

Around noon we got the call that the passport was in and waiting for us at the lawyers office. What happened next felt a little like the Amazing Race. I ran into the restaurant and explained that we would miss lunch, "Do you have any bread we could take now to make sandwiches for the kids?" Meanwhile, Bill was on the phone contacting our driver as well as finding out if we could schedule our medical review for Friday. We were told we had to be at IOM by 3pm in order to get an appointment. That meant our driver had to get to us and get us into Kampala FAST!

We quickly packed bags and gave the kids a quick lunch (thank God for peanut butter!). Bill organized our paperwork and double checked everything. By 1pm our driver was here and we were jumping into the car. The kids quickly fell asleep on me as we weaved in and out of traffic toward the lawyers office (which had moved since our last visit). We sent a quick message home though we expected everyone was still asleep.

We arrived at the lawyers office by 2:15pm. Bill and our driver rushed inside while I waited with the sleeping children. What they don't show you on the Amazing Race is all the waiting that happens in between each leg of the journey. Soon Isaac and Cara were awake and crawling around the car while a woman was trying to sell me mangoes through the window.

By 2:43pm Bill and Raymond were back at the car and after paying for parking we were off toward IOM. It was on the other side of town but our driver knew a short cut through some residential areas (which were quite nice if we had had the time to notice them). Bill was organizing the additional paperwork and photo copies in the front seat while I was finding a snack for our driver who was having low blood sugar (he skipped out on his lunch to pick us up).

WE pulled up to IOM by 3:10 and quickly ushered the kids through the security check point. We were surprised to find it vastly empty. The very kind woman at the desk said we were too late. They had already taken the files for the Friday appointments (at 2:30, even though we were told 3 on the phone). We did our best to smile and kindly ask for her to reconsider, but there did not seem to be much we could do.

Thankfully all of Bill's organizing had gone well and we had all the correct paper work with us to schedule an appointment for Monday. We stopped to take a moment and appreciate the fact that for many families our timeline would be a blessing. We have moved very swiftly through a very difficult process. It wasn't our goal, but we weren't leaving empty handed.

The drive back to Mukono was less eventful. We sat calmly in the afternoon traffic and marveled at the fact that we had Isaac's passport in hand. The passport is a step that can delay families by weeks and ours had taken 8 days, even with a mistake. We were thankful.

We now await the next big unknown step in our journey. The IOM process can be a predictable 3 days or it can quickly turn into weeks worth of testing. The reasons why are lengthy and have many variables. In the end we can only take the next step. We are choosing not to worry about what's around the bend while still faithfully preparing for several scenarios. This is not an easy thing to do and takes surrendering our circumstances again and again and again.

At this moment, even with a quick IOM process the standard timeline places our Embassy interview on the day we are scheduled to fly out. We were told that it takes 48 hours after the interview to issue Isaac's Visa. This would mean Cara and Bill fly out as scheduled and Isaac and I remain behind (hopefully catching a flight on January 31st and not waiting for the next one on February 4th).

It has happened where things move quicker but we know that whatever the plan it will all make sense in the end.

Day to Day

Thank you for joining us in the waiting. Several people have asked about a blog update, but it's hard to know what to say when what is happening is waiting.

Most days are probably similar to yours at home. The kids wake up, we get dressed, go to breakfast and then find ways to play until lunch. After lunch we wash Isaac and then both kids lay down for a bit (some days Cara stays up to play cards with us). When the kids wake up we venture back outside, usually to the pool (sorry to all of you who are frozen back in NJ) until we are cold or exhausted. Then we change, wash again, and get ready for dinner. If there is time before dinner we take a walk as a family.

All this seems uneventful to blog about, but for us it is truly a treasure. Each moment is spent knowing that our time here is a blessing. Who else gets six straight weeks with their husband? We wake up at the same time, eat at the same time, and fall asleep together every night. We find ourselves joking "remember when we had two kids?" It is still so new to us that sometimes it is hard to believe it is true.

It isn't all sunshine and vacation though. We have our fair share of time outs and bickering. Mommy has had her grumpy days when she didn't sleep well the night before. In addition, Cara gets hurt every 5 min so keeping her alive is like a full time job. She loves to explore new paths or walk old paths in new ways, but it usually results in some tears and a band aid. Isaac is happy to chase after her and mimic her every move. This morning they walked back from breakfast talking on their banana phones. Cara pretended to call Nana and Isaac did his best to repeat every word she said on his own phone but most of it sounded like "ah bah dah dah da?"

People have commented that we are always teaching. Every moment is an opportunity to bring Isaac further into our world. "Fork", "spoon", "tree", "red", "blue", "help" etc. We teach him to swim, we teach him not to throw things indoors or at people and we teach him how to express his needs without a tantrum. We have come so far in just a few short weeks. Remember the child who stared blankly, could barely speak and drooled constantly? You would never know Isaac was the same boy. The days are still long and exhausting but when I look back in my journal to where we were just days ago, I am reminded that we are making progress. All of this repetition is worth it, he is learning and most importantly he feels safe. I am so thankful that we have had this time in country to earn his trust, we will need it on the next leg of our journey together.

It Takes a Lot to Build a Playground

We are so thankful to have projects to work on to help us pass the time. However, I think they are helping us pass more time than we expected. From the first trip to get wood; which turned out to be a six hour adventure to and from Kampala for Bill. To the new hand saw breaking on the first cut today, God has been teaching us a great deal.

At home we joke that every good house project takes at least two trips to Home Depot. In Uganda this is also true except there is no such place as Home Depot. The lumber yard in Kampala looks more like this:

And there are four choices for wood, from there you plane the wood and cut and form it yourself.

The taxi ride to get there looks like this:

(and this would be considered not crowded)

We have been so thankful for Joachim and the wood shop at African Village. It has cost us more than we expected, but there is no way this project would have happened without the use of their machines. However, even in this God has taught us how privileged we are to have power tools and work benches at home. It has been humbling to have to wait on someone else to make progress on your project. Often Bill will be told to come at 8am for his wood only to be told to come back midday and at midday told to come at 4pm. Work scheduled for Monday quickly became a project for Friday as we waited patiently for our turn on the machines. However, Joachim is a master craftsman, he has made every bed, door and desk (and probably more) for all of African Village. Bill probably could have made all the cuts of wood on his own, but Joachim took great pride in helping us and making sure everything was perfect.

workshop at African Village

Joachim

We also learned why so much construction in Uganda is done with brick and mortar. Not only is it difficult to get wood and tools, but we have arrived several days ready to work only to find that the babbies home is without power and we cannot plug in our power drill. (It's a good thing we had a lot of sanding to do.) Today Raymond, our driver/guide, took it upon himself to drive the half hour back to down and get a haircut so that he could take advantage of their electricity and plug in the drill to charge at the barber shop. It worked! The charge the batteries received was enough to get through all the projects on today's agenda.

It has been amazing to watch Bill turn this project into reality. Everything has to be done off site and then assembled at the orphanage. Each visit he takes measurements, makes notes of angles and calculates the next need. It's not like at home where you can hold something up, mark it, and then walk to the other side of the room and make the cut. What starts out as piles of wood:

Quickly becomes this:

There is still much work to be done, but we are thankful for the progress we have made. It has been humbling to figure out how to do a job with all the wrong tools or no tools at all. I used to complain about the 15 min drive to the superstore that had 65 choices for every possible construction need. I used to be annoyed by the clutter of tools, screws and nails on Bill's work bench in the basement. When I get home I will take time to stand in our workshop and be thankful for the mess. We have so much that we don't even realize we have until we are without it. I am so thankful for this project and the way it has helped me to understand blessing at an even deeper level.

Waiting

Waiting for wifi to connect

Waiting for photos to upload

Waiting for wood to be cut

Waiting for treatment at the clinic

Waiting porridge to be hot

There are all different kinds of waiting in Uganda. Most of the waiting could actually be much worse. Often we are pleasantly surprised at how swiftly things move (except for the wifi, that takes forever). Yesterday, I found it particularly interesting to wait at the passport office. What initially might seem unorganized and chaotic you quickly realized was quite the opposite. Everything takes place outside under a tent (made from lots of smaller tents). There are rows of benches all facing different directions. Most people seem to have a very serious look on their face.

We ran into another American family there and collectively we took a guess and sat on a set of wooden benches facing a large wooden desk that seemed to have the most space. We were quickly approached and told to sit elsewhere. Now we were sitting on a set of metal benches that face out toward the open air. A large woman in a nice dress was yelling at everyone to go pick up their passports from another tent. She seemed to be mad at everyone except us. Hopefully this meant we were now sitting in the right place.

Meanwhile, Issac was hungry for a snack so I sent him with Bill to eat outside the tent (he makes quite a mess). A few moments later they were back. It was insulting to the officers that they were standing outside the tent. "It looks likes we didn't offer you a seat." Bill explained that we simply did not want to make a mess in their tent. "We have cleaners for that, you go sit." So we sat.

A representative from our lawyers office arrived a while later and kept disappearing with our file.

Eventually he came back with a pink folder and a pink card and instructed us to go sit back on the wooden benches. It turns out that this particular set of benches is not seating at all, but an organized line that moves very swiftly toward the large wooden desk. At the desk sits another woman in a nice dress with a very large stamp. Each time you hear the stamp everyone slides down the bench and it's the next persons turn. If you don't start moving quickly enough you'll find someone shoving you along in the right direction.

In the end we received our giant stamp on our file after answering a few simple questions like

"Are you married? Where is the child? Where do you live? etc."

Hashim, our legal representative, said he would remain behind with our file to make sure it continued along the proper path. We were no longer needed. We were told to expect a call soon.

And that was it, we left the maze of benches and the white tent behind and took the kids swimming in Lake Victoria (the source of the Nile River). It was a very pleasant day.

A Thousand Words

There is a football field (soccer) here and the kids like to hang in the goals. Cara can swing pretty farm 

Playing Old Maid in the room. Isaac and Daddy play as a team.

Just a random snuggle shot. Cara is loving having so much special time with Daddy. 

Isaac running around the room in my blanket (anyone else think of ET?)

Off on an adventure we discovered this play ground. Cara's favorite thing was this spinning chair ride. Isaac was unsure at first but he grew to love it. Mommy wishes it had seat belts.

Swings here are a little different. You have to balance yourself on the square to avoid falling forward or backward. We can't wait for Isaac to see the swings at his school, he will never want to get off.

The song of birds in the morning as the sun rises is quite beautiful. The first morning I was convinced someone had put a thousand birds on our balcony as a joke. The kids often make a game out of mimicking their sounds and laughing at one another.

We often have a snack on the balcony after nap time. The birds have made a habit of joining us each afternoon to snack on the fruit just outside our balcony.

Today Cara marveled that when she holds Isaac's hand she has to reach down. "Normally my arm is up in the air." I think she is liking the "big" part of being a big sister.

Things that make my heart happy. 

After a month in such a beautiful place you can almost begin to take it for granted. I am so thankful that the kids remind us every day to stop and explore the beauty around us (and maybe hug a tree or two).

The Wrong Door

The Wrong Door

Our room has two doors. Imagine adjoining hotel rooms. There is a door between the rooms but each room still has it's own entrance into the hallway.

Yesterday as we were coming back to the room Cara ran on ahead of us. We looked down the hallway to see her fighting with the door. She had they key, but she was fighting with the wrong door. I looked at Bill and I said "There has to be a spiritual metaphor in this somewhere."

How often do we put all of our effort into opening the wrong door? We can fight with all our might and make no progress. How often has God given us the key to what we want but we waste it on the wrong door? Nothing Cara could have done on her own would have opened that door for her. She ran on ahead, determined that she could do it on her own and ended up frustrated and embarrassed.

The right door was just 3 inches away. We opened it effortlessly with the key she already had in her possession. If she had waited for us...if she had listened when Bill yelled the correct room number to her...if she had stopped fighting so hard and stepped back to look...she would have saved herself unnecessary struggle.

We do it all the time. We think we know what's best or what the plan should be and we exhaust ourselves trying to make it happen on our own. If we would stop, listen and follow the one who knows the way we could save ourselves a lot of heartache and exhaustion.

I am asking God to remind me of this as we enter back into the adoption process after holiday. We have a clear goal of when we would like to be home, but rather than fight for what I want I am asking for the patience to follow where He leads and not run on ahead with the key thinking I know the way. This will become increasingly more difficult as the days pass and our intended flight gets closer. I don't want to be here alone, but I will walk that path if he wants me to. It reminds me of an old Ginny Owens song that carried me through a lot of difficult times in college.

"Cause I'm not who I was when I took my first step

And I'm clinging to the promise You’re not through with me yet.
So if all of these trials that bring me closer to You
Then I will go through the fire if you want me to.

And it may not be the way I would've chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
But you never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone."

There is a Butt in My Face: The Difference Between Raising Boys and Girls

I always knew we were adopting a boy. This wasn't a surprise to me. I thought I had prepared myself by regularly spending time with my friends male children. You can all begin laughing at me now.

How on earth do you raise a boy? I am so thankful that I have Bill here to help translate life for me, I would be lost without him. We have experienced everything from scraped knees to broken glasses at meal time. If Isaac is standing in a room for more than 10 seconds without direction he goes for the one thing you wish he wouldn't touch and begins playing with it. Activities end when something gets broken or someone gets hurt (there is no other reasonable reason to stop--unless maybe someone offers food.) Hugs come primarily as a means to prevent bedtime.

ME: Isaac, go to sleep.

ISAAC: Huggie Mommy!

ME: Awe, that's so sweet he is coming over to hug me.

BILL: No, I am pretty sure he is trying to fart on your face.

(Bill was right. Isaac can fall down a hundred times and not cry, but he cried for 5 min because I wouldn't let him fart on my face again)

ME: Don't let him play with that, it's not a toy

BILL: Boys need to touch things to figure out how they work. He'll probably take it apart and break it too.

(I am becoming increasingly skilled with duct tape)

ME: Cara, can you see if that gate is unlocked?

BILL: Why is she going that way?

ME: She is staying on the path.

BILL: But the shortest distance is across the grass and jumping down off that wall.

CARA: It's open (as Bill and Isaac cut across the grass and jump down off the wall)

CARA: Mom, there's a bug. (meanwhile Isaac has already killed it and moved on to the next thing)

ISAAC: Yeah Bahma (poop) - as he proudly stares into the toilet at his creation.

ME: (gasping for air as I try to flush before I pass out) Yeeeeahh.

My new definition of "is this dirty?" is "Did Isaac pee on it?" If not, it goes back in the closet to wear tomorrow. (Isaac is trained but needs to work on his aim) My new definition of "sleeping in" involves laying still while someone throws their entire body weight on my back over and over again. Isaac's definition of "coloring" is "how many crayons can I use in 30 seconds?"

One thing I learned a long time ago is that "Different isn't wrong, it's just different"

There are great moments too. Like when Isaac conquered the pool in one day and now jumps in by himself (even when you're not looking) or when he proudly accomplishes something and shouts "Mommy!" so he can show me his new skill. Occasionally I'll even get an unsolicited kiss or hug and I know I must have done something really right.

It's a whole new ballgame for me, but each day I am learning to laugh a little more and find the fun in raising a boy.