Growing a family is a strange thing. It seems like such a simple and predictable process. You grow up, you get married, you have kids. However, there are many of us in this world that know that it is not that simple. Perhaps it's waiting to find someone who sweeps you off your feet and is also worthy of your respect. Perhaps it's infertility of some kind. For us it was the ever changing world of international adoption.
There are books on each phase of life "Boundaries in Dating", "Love & Respect", "What to Expect When You're Expecting", "The Connected Child." There are loving friends and family members and even social workers and counselors to love, lead and guide you along the way, but nothing can fully prepare you for what's ahead.
There is a plaque in our bathroom at home that reads "Faith is trusting that when you come to the edge of all you know you will either find something to stand on or you will be taught now to fly." I have lived my whole life this way, trusting God for the next big step and leaping further than I knew how.
I remember when we had Cara one of the unexpected blessings no one had prepared me for was how much more I would love my husband as a result of having a child. Watching him take care of us during those first few days, seeing him rise to every challenge and observing him as he cradled our new treasure in his arms overwhelmed me with a deep love and new appreciation for the man I married.
This time as we grew our family I expected that watching Bill with our son would fill me with another new level of love and it has. Seeing him laugh with Isaac and watching them play is priceless. He is so good with him and Isaac adores him. What blindsided me this time was Cara. We have watched her and loved her for five years. I have seen such beautiful things in her and everyone that has spent time with her confirmed for us that she was very ready to be a big sister. I thought I knew what to expect but God has overwhelmed my heart once again.
It has been such a humbling and beautiful experience to see her deep love for Isaac. She truly cherishes him. Don't get me wrong, we are experiencing normal sibling jealousy over sharing Mommy and Daddy and realizing she can't control every situation...but beneath that I am seeing a level of love that is beautiful and new.
For example: She thinks of Isaac in everything we do. "Watch out for that step, it might be too big for Isaac", "Mom, show Isaac the boda boda, he loves those". The first time I had to put Isaac in time out she said "Don't be mean to my brother!" (obviously I wasn't, but her protective heart for him is adorable)
Cara has also come out of her shell this past week. Ugandans are the most friendly people you will ever meet. It is nearly impossible to walk by someone without receiving a greeting that involves eye contact, stopping to talk face to face, and usually a handshake or in Cara's case a pat on the head, hand on the shoulder or someone getting down on her level and grabbing her arms saying "how is baby?" Cara has been a little overwhelmed by this and has been mostly shy with the people that address her. Most meals at our hotel are served buffet style, which means you have to interact with someone to get your food. Cara has asked me to go with her every time she needed something (partially because she is took short to see into the chaffing dishes and partially because she is too shy to speak to the staff.) The first night we had Isaac with us it created a new family routine at dinner. As I looked up from cutting Isaac's meet I saw my shy little girl walking through the buffet line on her own and filling up her plate. She smiled, spoke loudly and clearly and even remembered to say thank you. Then to top it all of she came back to the table and asked what I wanted for dinner and she bravely went back a second time and asked for the items I needed. After checking if anyone else needed something, she happily sat down and after her meal without complaining (which can also be a challenge sometimes).
Cara has also gotten very used to her bedtime routine. We love reading books and saying prayers together. She always asks me to rub her back for a few min and stay with her for a snuggle. A new brother, in a new bed, with a new family meant that Cara fell asleep the first night at the foot of our bed, still in her clothes while listening to loud crying. She never complained. Night after night (and nap time after nap time) Cara climbs into bed and sets a good example for her brother by laying quietly and swiftly falling asleep without any of her usual routine. Last night we managed to fit in prayers again and Cara started to ask me something but I shushed her until after prayers. "I was going to ask if you would rub my back while we prayed." So I sat down to rub her back for a bit and she said "It's okay Mom, if you stay to rub my back it might upset Isaac to see you." Once again she selflessly gave up her comfort for her brothers.
I could go on and on about the ways that Cara has selflessly made room in her life for Isaac but she has done even more than that. She has loved him unconditionally even when is isn't ready to hold her hand or accept her hugs. She is teaching him words and sharing her world with him. She checks on him often while he is sleeping and waits in anticipation for him to wake up so the fun can begin.
It is beautiful to watch her grow up so fast seemingly overnight. I will miss my sweet little bitty but I am so in love with the worlds best big sister
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***Since writing this (but before we could post it) the most hilarious thing happened. Cara has been longing for Isaac to want to sit on her lap. At the end of a long car trip Isaac had fallen asleep on me and I needed to get our bags out of the car. I asked Cara to sit on the step and I offered to give a sleepy Isaac to her. "He might not stay asleep, but let's give it a try." I sat Isaac facing Cara and he immediately snuggled in and put his head on her shoulder. It was priceless. She was so happy. Then I turned around to get our bags and moments latter I hear "HE'S PEEING ON ME!" and she started to cry. I laughed so hard. Her beautiful moment, ruined. Cara could have freaked out and pushed him off or tried to get up and run away, but she sat there (crying) and hugged him tight until I could save her. It will go down as one of the funniest first memories of us being a family.
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